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Thứ Sáu, 8 tháng 5, 2020

What has two butts and kills people?

An assassin.

Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:

370HSSV - 0773H

Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI

No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its meaning, FBI finally asked MSS (Ministry of State Security in China for help.

Within a few seconds MSS cabled back with this reply:

"Tell The President he's holding the message upside down."

I want to start a company that makes both coffins and condoms

The slogan would be:" We've got you covered whether you cuming or going"

The first Karen to get sick was..

Impatient Zero

What did the grape say when it got crushed?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

3 dogs are at the vet. They ask the chihuahua what he’s there for...

“I’m a biter. I bite kids. I bite my mom. I bite the TV cords. I bite anything. The last straw was when I bit my owners kid. I have to get anxiety medication.”

They then ask the blue heeler what he’s in for

“I’m a pooper. I poop in the kitchen. I poop in the road on walks. I pooped on the kitchen table which I thought was awesome. I have to get checked for bowel problems”

The other 2 look at the Great Dane and ask him his story

“Well I’m a humper. I gave it to the tree. I humped the cat. But the worst one was when my owner was getting out of the shower and she dropped her towel”

The chihuahua and the heeler look knowingly at each other and say “Neutered” very sadly

The Dane starts wagging his tail and says: “Nope! I’m getting my nails trimmed!”

A neutron walked into a bar and asked the bartender. "how much for a beer?'

The bartender said: "for you, no charge."