All I remember is that it went over people’s heads
Edit: Grammar
Chủ Nhật, 10 tháng 5, 2020
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek.
It's Einstein's turn. He counts till ten and opens up his eyes.
Pascal is nowhere to be seen.
Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein with a chalk in his hand. He's sitting on a box he's drawn, one metre a side.
Einstein: Newton you're terrible, I can see you!
Newton: No No Einy, you've found one Newton per square metre. You've found Pascal!
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Pizza. "Pizza who?"
Pete's a fucking asshole. He promised me that he would cover my shifts during this outbreak, but apparently we weren't eligible for government benefits due to some shady shit in his past. So instead of handling it like a GOOD manager HUMAN BEING, he decides to double up my shifts. Which, of course, forces me to deal with the goddamn apocalypse in a double-ought V-Dub Bug.
I just don't feel safe constantly knocking on total strangers' doors, you know? What if this door finally unleashes that freshman frat-boy who decided to bury his face in some COVID Cancun coot-coot, then tries to pull that slick I'm shaking your hand, but actually giving you a tip move...like, why are you doing that?! Who the fuck are you keeping it a secret from? I'm your delivery driver, of COURSE you should fucking tip me! Or maybe next time, put the tip on your card online, because why the FUCK are you still making people handle cash?!
Anyway, sorry to rant at you like that. Your pizza is here.
A group of kindergarteners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade.
The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.
“You need to use ‘big people’ words,” she’d always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.
“I went to visit my Nana.”
“No, you went to visit your Grandmother. Use big people words!” She then asked Mitchell what he had done.
“I took a ride on a choo-choo.”
She said: “No, you took a ride on a train. Use big people words”. She then asked Bobby what he had done.
“I read a book,” he replied.
“That’s wonderful!” the teacher said. “What book did you read?”
Bobby thought about it, then puffed out his little chest with great pride and said: “Winnie the Shit”.
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