Free Sex with Fill-Up

A petrol station owner in Dublin was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up!' Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time." A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and...

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The young assistant got fired from the butchers shop, I asked why.....

The butcher replied “I caught him with his dick in the bacon slicer!” “Oh!” I replied, “what did you do with the bacon slicer?” “I fired her as well!” said the Butcher....

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The sweater I bought recently kept picking up static-electricity, so I returned it to the store.

They gave me another one, free of charge....

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What do you call a closet full of lesbians?

A liquor cabinet....

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Police arrested two kids yesterday

one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other off....

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My life completely changed after I learned Morse Code.

Last night, for example, I couldn't fall asleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself....

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A small meteorite is reportedly headed for Lego Land

The damage is expected to be about 50 square blocks...

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