Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong socks this morning

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Your Girlfriend Is Pregnant !

Guy: But doctor that can't be right. We use condoms everytime we have sex.

Doctor: Well, the test result would suggest otherwise. Maybe the condom broke?

Guy: No I'm sure it didn't.

Doctor: Alright then. Let me tell you a story. A guy was wandering in the forest where he encountered a tiger. The tiger looked really ferocious and the guy knew that he was doomed. Cornered, the guy then points his umbrella's tip at the tiger and shouts Bang at the tiger. The tiger died.

Guy: That can't be right. Someone else must have shot the tiger.

Doctor: Exactly.

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A man was going bald, so he got rabbits tattooed on to his head.

From a distance they looked like hares.

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How is Donald Trump like a jack-o-lantern?

They are both orange, round and should be thrown out in early November.

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What do Asian cannibals eat?

Raw men

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I dipped my balls in glitter.

Pretty nuts, am I right?

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Do you suffer from anxiety that an intruder may be hiding in your room?

You're not alone.

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