Spaghetti wiggles when I eat it.
Chủ Nhật, 21 tháng 6, 2020
My 3 year old daughter asked
My 3 year old daughter asked: “Where does poo come from?”
I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said: “You just had breakfast?”
“Yes”, she replied.
“Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummy. Our body takes all the good stuff it needs out of the food and then what’s left goes down to your bottom and when you go to the toilet that comes out as poo.”
She looked confused and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds. Then asked: “And Tigger?”
A man notices his wife's butt is getting big
I bet your butt is as big as my grill."
His wife rolls her eyes, but he gets a tape measure, measures her bottom, measures the grill, and teases her that they're about the same size.
That night, he tries to see if he can get lucky. "Not tonight," says his wife.
He asks her why not, to which she responds, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weiner?"
Thứ Bảy, 20 tháng 6, 2020
In order to stop accusations of racism, Trump decides to hire a Mexican immigrant
However, he doesn't feel confortable having him as an employee and calls him over in his office.
Juan: "Why you call me, jefe ?"
Trump: "You're fired!"
Juan: "Que ?! Why ?!!"
Trump: "Because....uh... Because you didn't finish high school!"
Juan: "Oh, no problemo, jefe! Yo go y finish high school and return to work!"
Juan finishes high school, comes back to work and Trump calls him again.
Juan: "Si, jefe ?"
Trump: "You're fired!"
Juan: "Que ?! Why ?! Yo finish high school !"
Trump: "Yeah, but.... um.... you didn't finish college!"
Juan: "No problemo! Yo finish college too Jefe!"
Juan finishes college too and comes back to work again only for Trump to call him again.
Juan: "What now, jefe ?"
Trump: "You're fired!"
Juan: "Que?! Why ?! Yo finish both high school y college! Why you fire me this time ?"
Trump: "Because.... uh....um. Ok, here's the truth! You're a Mexican immigrant and I don't like you working here!"
Juan: "No problemo! Yo become Americano and come back to work!"
So Juan gains American citizenship, learns perfect English, converts to Protestantism, embraces American culture, changes his name to John and comes back to work.
Only for Trump to call him again.
John: "Why do you wanna see me, boss ?"
Trump: "You're fired!"
John:"What! Why ? I finished high school, I finished college, I became an American! What more do you want from me ?!"
Trump: "Well, the last 3 times I fired you, my critics accused me of being a racist for always firing the only Mexican worker. So in order to prove them wrong, I decided to fire an American this time."
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
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