As if my son is going to marry someone twice his age...
Thứ Ba, 23 tháng 6, 2020
God is creating the world, and he talks to the canadians
He says to them “You will have the best land ever. It is beautiful, in the summer it is warm and in the winter it snows beautiful snow flakes. It is called Canada. You will have prosperity and food for all your days.”
He then gets the Australians, and says to them “I give to you Australia. You are isolated, and the land is a desert. You will work every day and will get very little in return. It will be harsh, but you will be hardened by it. You will find it hard, but you will call it home.”
The Australians reply “This is so unfair, why do the Canadians get good land and prosperity and we only get the harsh land, the scraps!?”
He replies “They do. But I didn’t tell the Canadians about their neighbours.”
Sorry if I offend anyone, this is my first post here.
I want to try translating an Iraqi joke to English and see if it works. A man is sitting in a cafe...
A man is sitting in a cafe when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic shouting "Quick, your wife is cheating on you with your best friend in the forest". The man runs out of the cafe angry and furious to see for himself and returns after a short while and sits back down on his chair. The people in the cafe and the guy that told him are confused and ask what happened. The man says "this son of a bitch was just exaggerating, firstly, it was just a couple of trees he made it out like it was a forest, secondly, best friend he says?! It turns out I don't even know the guy". Thank you
A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun. He yells to the bartender, "This is a stick-up! Put all your money in this bag!"
The frightened bartender pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as you say!" The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!" The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife and kids! I'll do whatever you say!"
The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartender's head and says, "Alright, now suck my dick!" "Anything!" cries the bartender, "Just don't shoot!"
The bartender starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets excited, he drops the gun. The bartender sees the gun on the floor, picks it up, hands it back to the crook and yells, "Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friends might walk in!"
A man came up to a beautiful woman walking on the street and offered her a proposition.
"I would pay $100 to bite your beautiful breasts"
"Ew, what kind of a woman do you think I am?! I won't let you see them, let alone bit them!"
"Ok, make it $500"
"No! Get away from me!"
"How about $1000?"
"I said, no!"
"$10,000, cash."
"Okay, fine!"
Both goes to a dark alley and she remove her top and bra. He grabs her boobs and starts to suck on them. He squeezes them, kisses them, blows on them, licks them, and does everything but biting them.
"Well, aren't you gonna bite them?"
"Nah, too expensive!"
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