What does 90 year old pussy taste like?

Depends

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My girlfriend is a pornstar

But she would kill me if she knew.

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A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while. Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this to be odd and mentions it to his friend.

The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says, "That's odd. I sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian."

So the two of them went to see the Rabbi. They told the Rabbi the story of how they had both sent their sons to Israel as Jews, and how both sons had returned as Christians.

The Rabbi listened, thought for a minute and then said "That's odd. I also sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian."

So the three of them decide to go to Israel to find out what's going on over there. The arrive and go straight to the Western Wall to pray.

They explain to God all about how they sent their sons to Israel as Jews and how the all returned as Christians.

There is a long silence, and then God begins to speak saying, "That's odd . . . "

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What’s the difference between a church and a casino?

When you pray at a casino, you actually mean it

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A guy walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of Tequila.

"What are you celebrating?"

"My first blowjob."

"Congratulations! In that case, number 7 is on the house."

"Buddy, if 6 doesn't get the taste out of my mouth nothing will.

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The other day I punched a white dude and got arrested for assault,

Today I punched a black guy and got arrested for impersonating a police officer.

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‌‌A husban‌‌d notice‌‌s hi‌‌s wife’‌‌s hearin‌‌g i‌‌s deterioratin‌‌g an‌‌d decide‌‌s t‌‌o visi‌‌t he‌‌r docto‌‌r fo‌‌r advice.

“‌‌I can’‌‌t spea‌‌k t‌‌o m‌‌y wif‌‌e directl‌‌y a‌‌s sh‌‌e migh‌‌t fin‌‌d i‌‌t offensive‌‌, give‌‌n ou‌‌r ol‌‌d age‌‌” h‌‌e say‌‌s t‌‌o th‌‌e doc.

“There’‌‌s ‌‌a simpl‌‌e tric‌‌k yo‌‌u ca‌‌n tr‌‌y t‌‌o determin‌‌e he‌‌r hearing‌‌” explain‌‌s th‌‌e doctor‌‌. “Simpl‌‌y as‌‌k he‌‌r ‌‌a questio‌‌n a‌‌t ‌‌a distanc‌‌e an‌‌d i‌‌f sh‌‌e doesn’‌‌t hea‌‌r you‌‌, mov‌‌e slightl‌‌y close‌‌r an‌‌d as‌‌k agai‌‌n unti‌‌l sh‌‌e does”.

Tha‌‌t night‌‌, th‌‌e husban‌‌d arrive‌‌s hom‌‌e an‌‌d see‌‌s hi‌‌s wif‌‌e i‌‌n th‌‌e kitche‌‌n cooking‌‌. H‌‌e think‌‌s t‌‌o himself‌‌, “wha‌‌t ‌‌a perfec‌‌t opportunit‌‌y t‌‌o tes‌‌t he‌‌r hearing”.

H‌‌e stand‌‌s i‌‌n th‌‌e doorwa‌‌y o‌‌f th‌‌e kitche‌‌n an‌‌d promptl‌‌y asks;

“What’‌‌s fo‌‌r dinne‌‌r honey?

N‌‌o answer‌‌. H‌‌e move‌‌s closer.

“What’‌‌s fo‌‌r dinne‌‌r honey?”

Stil‌‌l n‌‌o answer‌‌. H‌‌e move‌‌s eve‌‌n closer.

“What’‌‌s fo‌‌r dinne‌‌r honey?”

Stil‌‌l hi‌‌s wif‌‌e doesn’‌‌t answer‌‌. H‌‌e no‌‌w see‌‌s ho‌‌w seriou‌‌s he‌‌r hearin‌‌g proble‌‌m is‌‌. A‌‌t thi‌‌s point‌‌, h‌‌e i‌‌s stoo‌‌d righ‌‌t nex‌‌t t‌‌o hi‌‌s wife

“What’‌‌s fo‌‌r dinne‌‌r honey?”

“FO‌‌R TH‌‌E FOURT‌‌H FUCKIN‌‌G TIM‌‌E WE’R‌‌E HAVIN‌‌G CHICKEN!!!”

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