Why did snoop dog not have a pretty green American yard?
Because he don’t love no hose.
Thứ Sáu, 26 tháng 6, 2020
Me: Sweet dog you got there
Police officer: Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog.
Me: Still in training, huh?
Police officer: What do you mean?
Me: Nevermind
A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer are staying at the same hotel.
One night, the engineer is awakened by a smell and gets up to check it. He finds a fire in the hallway, sees a nearby fire extinguisher and after extinguishing it, goes back to bed.
Later that night, the physicist gets up, again because of the smell of fire. He quickly gets up and sees the fire in the hallway. After calculating air pressure, flame temperature and humidity as well as distance to the fire and projected trajectory, he extinguishes the fire with the least amount of fluid.
Finally the mathematician awakens, and finds that the embers of the fire are still burning. After giving much thought to the problem, he gets up and lights it back up to an actual fire. Following this, he goes back to sleep, satisfied that the problem has been reduced to a previously solved one.
Late one night a man is driving down the road, speeding quite a bit. A cop notices how fast he is going and pulls him over. The cop says to the man:
"Are you aware of how fast you were going?" The man replies, "Yes I am. I'm trying to escape a robbery I got involved in." The cop gives him a skeptical look and says, "Were you the one being robbed?" The man casually replies, "No, I committed the robbery."
The cop looks shocked that the man admitted this. "So you're telling me you were speeding...AND committed a robbery?" "Yes," the man calmly says. "I have the loot in the back."
The cop begins to get angry. "Sir, I'm afraid you have to come with me." The cop reaches in the window to subdue the man. "Don't do that!" the man yells fearfully. "I'm scared you will find the gun in my glove compartment!" The cop pulls his hand out. "Wait here," he says.
The cop calls for backup. Soon cops, cars, and helicopters are flooding the area. The man is cuffed quickly and taken towards a car. However, before he gets in, a cop walks up to him and says, while gesturing to the cop that pulled him over, "Sir, this officer informed us that you had committed a robbery, had stolen loot in the trunk of your car, and had a loaded gun in your glove compartment. However, we found none of these things in your car." The man replies, "Yeah, and I bet that liar said I was speeding too!"
God and Satan arranged a basketball game between Heaven and Hell.
"I know for a fact we are gonna win," said God. "We have all the best players up here...Wilt Chamberlain, Moses Malone, Kobe Bryant, and so on."
"I wouldn't count on that, God," said Satan. "You see, down here, we have all the referees."
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