FunnyStory about animals and all around the world
Funny Video about animals and all around the world! :)
Funny picture about animals and all around the world :)
Play game and comfortable :)
Go to Blogger edit html and find these sentences.Now replace these sentences with your own descriptions.
They asked him: why do you always smoke 2 cigarettes together?
He said: one for me, and one for my brother in jail.
After a while they saw him smoking one cigarette only and they asked him: so you're brother is out of the jail?
He said: no, I stopped smoking.
Soon the head of the WHO came by. He said “Try social distancing! It can save you!”
The fellow shouted back, "No, it's OK, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me.” So the head of the WHO went on.
Then Dr. Fauci came by and told the man “Wear a mask! It can save you!”
The fellow said, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith." So Dr. Fauci went on.
So the fucking world came by - shouting “Wear a mask! Try social distancing. Stay inside your fucking house! It can save you!”
To this the fellow replied, "No thanks, I'm praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith."
So the world went on its way.
Then the man threw a surprise birthday party for a family member and 17 people got sick. One person died. Two more would be sick, and damaged for the rest of their lives.
There’s no punchline. This really happened. Wear a mask. Don’t be a fucking idiot.
The four men are all on a zoom call with their boss. Their boss asks “Can you see me?” and they respond
“Yes”
“Oui”
“Si”
“Ja”
His grandfather was blessed with both a sense of humor and a sense of justice. So he planned that when he finally died all he would leave to Roger was a cookie.
But what a cookie.
It was made with butter, churned from milk from a yak milked by a virginal milkmaid on the highest field on a hidden Himalayan peak next to the ultimate source of the sacred Ganges River.
It was made with flour harvested from plants of the single-grained EinKorn found growing on the site of a Neolithic Anatolian village and ground between millstones of Lapus Lazuli.
It was made from eggs collected from Peahen nests in the remotest marshes of outback Australia.
It was made from sugar boiled from a cane garden in a secret valley in New Guinea.
It was flavored with a vanilla pod from the mysterious and still sacred original Vanilla Vine found by the Totonac people when they arrived in the Mazatlán Valley on the Gulf Coast of Mexico in the 15th century.
It had added flavor, as well, with chocolate chips made from the beans of a Cacao tree found on the site of a previously undiscovered Mayan temple.
When Roger's grandfather died, the cookie was baked by Gordon Ramsey in a kitchen built exclusively for the purpose.
It was the most expensive cookie ever baked and its ingredients consumed the entire fortune.
The lawyers delivered the cookie to the anorexic Roger as his entire inheritance. Understandably, all the other relatives were more than a little put out and they paid Roger a visit.
They all wanted their share of the fortune but they couldn't find it because it had disappeared into the thin heir.
The owner looked at the man likes he’s crazy and said “sorry we don’t stock that much bread at once”
The man comes in the next day and asks the owner “do you have a thousand loaves of bread?”
The owner replies “I told you already, we don’t stock that much bread at once!”
The same thing happens the next day. At the end of the day the store owner decides to make a thousand loafs of bread in the hopes of making a huge profit!
The store owner spends all weekend working hard and makes a thousand loafs of bread.
On Monday, the man walks into the store again and asks the owner “do you have a thousand loaves of bread?”
The owner smiles and replies “Yes, today we do indeed!”
The man shakes his head and says “it’s going to be a bitch selling all of them”
And walks away
"Excuse me Sir, I couldn't help but notice that on the far north end of you property, I saw some cottonwood trees.
Would it be okay if I go and harvest me a few bags?"
The farmer scratches his head and says "Everybody knows you can't get cotton from a cottonwood tree."
"Well, Sir. I am an educated man and I think I can."
The farmer allows him to go and a few hours later the student comes back with two overstuffed bags.
"See, Sir. I told you I'm educated."
The farmer is amazed.
A few weeks later, the same college student comes up the drive and says "Excuse me sir, but on the west end of your property, I saw some honeysuckle, and I was wondering if it would be okay to get a few jars of honey?"
The farmer says "Come on, Son. Everyone knows you can't get jars of honey from honeysuckle. But go ahead."
A few hours later, the student returns with two big jars of honey.
"See, sir? I've told you I'm educated."
A few weeks later the student returns a third time.
"Excuse me, Sir? I couldn't help but notice that on the far south end of your property, you have some pussywillow."
"Son" , the farmer says. "Let me grab my hat."
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:
Bump…
Bump…
Bump…
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
Bump…
Bump…
BUMP…
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home. The casket still bouncing quickly behind him.
Faster…
Faster…
FASTER…
Bump…
Bump…
BUMP…
He runs up to his door, fumbles with the keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
Rushing up the stairs to his bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding. His head is reeling. His breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup as the casket!
And…
The coffin stops….