Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
Thứ Sáu, 3 tháng 7, 2020
A boob, vagina and asshole were debating on who is the greatest if three of them.
Boobs: I produce milk for babies
Vagina: that's nothing, I produce babies.
Why are you still reading, It's your turn to speak
Heisenberg, Schroedinger and Ohm are in a car...
... And they get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"No, but I know exactly where I am" Heisenberg replies.
The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now I'm lost!"
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"
"We do now, asshole!" shouts Schroedinger.
The cop moves to arrest them.
Ohm resists.
A woman is having an affair...
... with a man.
One day, her 14-year-old son hides in the closet to watch what they do.Surprisingly, the husband comes home and the wife hides her lover in the closet without realizing that her son is already in there.
Son: " Kinda dark in here."
Man: "Yes."
Son: "I have a baseball."
Man: "Great."
Son: "Do you want to buy it?"
Man: "No thanks."Son: "
My father is out there ..."
Man: "Okay, how much?"
Son: "250 €"
Man: "Okay."
After three weeks the same thing happens again, once again the son and the lover are in the closet
Son: "Kinda dark in here.
"Man: "Yes."
Son: "I have a baseball glove.
"Man sighs: "How much is it this time?
"Son: "750 €"
Man: "Damn, All right."
A couple of days later the father asks his son to grab his Baseball and his Glove to play
Boy: "I can't, I sold those."
Father: "Really? For how much?"
Boy: "1000 €"
Father: "It is outrageous to rip off your friends like that. You come to church now and confess your sins."
Both go to church and the father puts the boy in the confessional. box
Boy: "Kinda dark in here."
Pastor: "Cut the Crap!"
"I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am.
The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.
As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment. I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond. After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal. Some shopping, cleaning, cooking. After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied
“No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."
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