Wanna know how I quit smoking?

I decided to smoke only after sex.

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I asked my doctor when we could anticipate an end to the coronavirus epidemic

He said “I don’t know. I’m not really into politics.”

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A farmer buys a young cock.

As soon as he gets home it fucks all 150 of the farmers hens. The farmer is impressed . At lunch the cock once again screws the hens. The next day, to the farmers astonishment, the cock fucks the geese and ducks as well. Sadly later during the day he finds the cock lying half- dead on the ground with vultures circling overhead. The farmer says,"you deserved it you horny bastard!", at which point the cock opens one eye, points up with his wing and says,"Shut up.They're about to land."

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Dad: “GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW!”

Child: Storms off “JIM MORRISON WAS OVERRATED!”

Dad: “WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS!?”

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‌‌After s‌‌ex w‌‌ith m‌‌y n‌‌ew g‌‌irlfriend l‌‌ast n‌‌ight s‌‌he s‌‌nuggled u‌‌p n‌‌ext t‌‌o m‌‌e a‌‌nd s‌‌aid, "‌‌You a‌‌re d‌‌efinitely t‌‌he b‌‌iggest I‌‌'ve e‌‌ver h‌‌ad."

Apparently "‌‌ditto" w‌‌asn't t‌‌he c‌‌orrect r‌‌esponse.

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A Irish man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher Baptizing people in the river.

He proceeds to walk into the water and Subsequently bumps into the preacher...

The preacher turns around and is almost Overcome by the smell of alcohol, Whereupon he asks the drunk,

'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

The drunk shouts, 'Yes, oi am.'

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.

He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'

The drunk replies, 'No, oi haven't found Jesus.'

The preacher shocked at the answer, dunks him Into the water again for a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks Again, 'Have you found Jesus me brother?'

The drunk again answers, 'No, oi I haven't Found Jesus.'

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- But this time holds him down for about 30 seconds and when he begins kicking His arms and legs so he pulls Him up.

The preacher again asks the Drunk, 'For the love of God have you Found Jesus?'

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his Breath and says to the preacher, 'Are you sure this is where he fell in?'

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Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?

Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?

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