Two old ladies were smoking a cigarette while waiting for a bus. It started to rain, so one of them took out a condom from her purse..

and cut off the tip, slipped it over cigarette and continued to smoke. Her friend saw this and said, 'Hey thats a good idea! What is it that you put over ur cigarette?' The other old lady said, "It's a condom". "A condom? Where do u get those?". The lady replied, "You can purchase them at pharmacy. When they both got back to their hometown, lady with all questions went to pharmacy and askrd the man at counter, "Do you sell condoms?" The pharmacist said "Yes" But he was surprised that this old woman is still sexually active. So he asked her, "What size do you want?" The old lady confused by question thought for a minute and said, "One that will fit a Camel".

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Translated this joke from my native language...

A guy say (Billy) who had very small penis, came to know about a guy. who knew a word, which upon saying penis grows by some inches.

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Billy went there, that guy sat on a hill, and to climb that hill, there was a rope. So Billy started climbing that hill, upon climbing, the man asked Billy, how long do you want it? Billy said "I have 3 inches now, I want to grow it to 9 inches". So the guy said to Billy, "say this word 3 times, and your work will be done."

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Upon saying the word 3 times, it really happened! Billy thanked the guy and said "its amazing!" Then he asked but "don't you say this word too many times everyday while meditating? So how long would your penis be?". The guy replied "yes my friend, how the hell do you think, you climbed this hill?"

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Sorry English is not my first language, but I hope this joke makes you laugh.

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As a gentleman, I asked my date if I could push in her stool...

She said “let’s see how the date goes first”

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A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer "How long will it take me to get to the next town?"

The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes.”

“Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?"

“Didn't know how fast you could walk".

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What’s the cheapest part of a house?

The roof tiles, because they’re on the house.

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Three guys are walking their dogs and they see a bar

"I could really go for a drink," says the first guy. The two other guys agree, but as they get closer to the bar they see that there are no dogs allowed inside.

"I guess we can't go in, as there is nowhere to tie up our dogs," the second guy says.

"That's where you're wrong," the first guy replies. "Watch this." He puts on a pair of sunglasses and enters the bar.

"No dogs allowed," a waiter tells him.

"But this is my guide dog," the man replies. "I can't go anywhere without him."

"Very well, you may be allowed to have him in here then," the waiter says. The second guy does the same thing as the first guy and is allowed inside as well.

"That looks easy enough," the third guy thinks. He puts on a pair of sunglasses and enters the bar, making sure to stumble a bit so that he looks blind.

"No dogs allowed," the waiter tells him.

"But this is my guide dog," the man replies. "I can't go anywhere without him."

"Nice try," the waiter says. "I let those other two guys in because they both had golden retrievers, but there's no way a chihuahua can be a guide dog."

The third guy tries his best to look confused and angry.

"They gave me a chihuahua?"

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Did you know “Vegetarian” is a Native American word?

It means “Lousy Hunter”

I am Native American and this joke has been told to me a couple of times. Thought I’d share.

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