I have this friend who went to Harvard and he just won’t shut tf up about it. He’s always been like this, even when we were in college together.
Thứ Tư, 8 tháng 7, 2020
A blind man enters a bar and finds his way to a barstool.
After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?” The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
Two old men are sitting in the lounge chatting.
The one says,” You should try the restaurant my wife and I went to last night. Pricey but well worth the money.“
“Oh, what’s it called?” asks the other man enthusiastically.
His friend thinks for a minute,” Uhm…I…er…”
Obviously having a senior moment he says,” What’s that flower, you know, war named after it, given out on Valentine’s day?”
The other man says,” You mean the rose?”
His friend lets out a gleeful,” Yes! That’s it, a rose!”
He then turns in the chair and calls to his wife,” Rose! What’s the name of that place we ate at last night?”
A lady goes into labour and is rushed to the hospital
She is in labour for hours and the birth is excruciating but eventually the baby comes out. The doctor taps the baby's bottom to get it to cry but nothing happens. The doctor then uses a little more force and smacks the baby's bottom harder but still nothing. The mother is getting extremely worried. Then the doctor really winds up and hits the baby hard on the bottom but still nothing happens. The mother is now crying and is frantic. The doctor then slams the baby onto the floor like a wrestler, then powerfully kicks the baby across the room, picks the baby up and throws it out of the window. The mother is hysterical and screaming when the doctor says to her, "April fools, your baby was dead already!".
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