Magician: I can make anything disappear!

Tom: (holding up a cup) Really? Make my tea disappear.

Magician: (waves hand) Done!

om: (looks in cup) It didn't work.

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TIL Steve Irwin had a failed "Crocodile Hunter" sunscreen brand.

Apparently it didn't protect you from harmful rays

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I hate when my girlfriend gets mad at me for being lazy

It’s not like I did anything

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Why was the gunman bad at arguing?

He only had hollow points.

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My horoscope said I was going to get my heart broken in 12 years time

So I bought a puppy to cheer myself up!

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Just discovered whiteboards

Remarkable

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‌‌A grou‌‌p o‌‌f Engineerin‌‌g professor‌‌s wer‌‌e invite‌‌d t‌‌o fl‌‌y i‌‌n ‌‌a plane.

Righ‌‌t afte‌‌r the‌‌y wer‌‌e comfortabl‌‌y seated‌‌, the‌‌y wer‌‌e informe‌‌d th‌‌e plan‌‌e wa‌‌s buil‌‌t b‌‌y thei‌‌r students.

All but one got off their seats and headed frantically to the exits in maniacal panic.

The one lone professor that stayed put, calmly in his seat, was asked: “Why did you stay put?”

"I hav‌‌e plent‌‌y o‌‌f confidenc‌‌e i‌‌n m‌‌y students‌‌. Knowin‌‌g them‌‌, ‌‌I fo‌‌r ‌‌a fac‌‌t ca‌‌n assur‌‌e yo‌‌u thi‌‌s piec‌‌e o‌‌f shi‌‌t plan‌‌e wil‌‌l neve‌‌r eve‌‌n start"

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