Everything they do is a transaction.
Thứ Năm, 16 tháng 7, 2020
A Western Omelet
A retired man walks into his favorite diner after it just reopened from a long COVID-19 shuttering, eager to resume his daily routine of breakfast, coffee and reading the newspaper. A new waitress approaches greets him and explains that new contactless policy that eliminates the old plastic laminated menus and gives him the link for the online menu for him to pull up on his phone.
“No Need” He says. “I’ll just have a Western Omelet and a black coffee”
The waitress fills his cup, puts in the order and a few minutes later returns with his plate.
“Excuse me, Miss.. “ he says “I ordered a Western Omelet, this here is an egg white omelet”
“Oh I’m sorry Sir” She apologized, “I must have entered it incorrectly to the kitchen. Can you show me on the menu which one you want?”
“I don’t need the menu. Just a regular Western Omelet” he retorted, “The same kind I’ve been getting for 15 years.”
She scurries off and again a few moments later returns with his omelet.
The man inspects his plate and prods the eggs.
“Excuse me Miss, but are these Powdered Egg Substitutes?!” He asks, somewhat incredulous.
“Ah yes” She explains, “another new item on our menu for people with Allergies. I’m so sorry still getting used to the system here. Can you please show me exactly what you want on the menu so I’ll be sure to get it right this time?”
Flabbergasted and starving, the man reluctantly pulls out his cell phone, puts on his reading glasses, goes to the online menu, and begins searching for his Western Omelet.
“Egg whites.. Vegan….Dairy Free” He mutters as he passes each section, “Where’s the damn regular old omelets!?” almost at the end of the menu and the end of his rope.
“I think its towards the bottom” The waitress tells him
“I can’t find it!” He yells.
“Keep scrolling down” She encourages him “The real yokes are in the comments”
Wife and I making bird puns in bed
We were laying in bed, when I looked over and said "hey make like a bird and swallow this dick!" She smiled and pulled my pajama bottoms off. I closed my eyes awaiting bliss, when all of a sudden she repeatedly head butts my dick. After scrambling away and gasping in pain, I looked at her and exclaimed "what the hell!?" She smiled and said,
"I'm a wood pecker"
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