Funny Story

FunnyStory about animals and all around the world

Thứ Ba, 18 tháng 8, 2020

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years.

He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain......

A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night.

Oof...

A woman goes to the pharmacist and asks for five kilos of arsenic.

The chemist says, "That's very dangerous, what do you want it for?" Wife replies, "I'm giving it to my husband. He had an affair" Chemist says, "Oh no, I could get in a lot of trouble for giving you that" Wife goes into her purse and pulls out a photo of her husband.....having sex with the chemist's wife. "Oh, that's different. I didnt realise you had a prescription"...

A man walks into a bar and sits next to a guy with a little head...

*After having a couple drinks the man asks the other guy, "hey, I don't mean to be rude, but how is it you have such a small head." The guy replies, "well it's a bitter sweet story. You see when I was in the war my plane got shot down in the Pacific. I parachuted out and ended up on an deserted island." He continued, "after several months on this deserted island, a beautiful mermaid suddenly appeared and granted me three wishes." "My first wish is that I'd like to be rescued from this island I told her." To which the Mermaid said, "tomorrow a...

My husband and son getting competitive while playing games.

Husband said" I fucked your mom" to which the son replied" I have been deeper inside her than you'll ever be"...

I like to imagine that the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the brella.

But he hesitated....

Why'd the gardener get banned from the hospital?

He kept watering the vegetables....