Vladimir Putin is hosting a summit with Donald Trump, Kim Jong-Un, and Justin Trudeau.

As a part of the summit, Putin takes the three leaders to a wilderness area outside of Moscow and dismisses the press corps, and a large wolf in a cage is brought out. "Friends, this savage wolf was trapped and brought from the wilds of Siberia just yesterday. I want to show you what kind of man I am." Putin takes a pencil and puts it behind his ear. Then he unzips his pants and underwear and stands there butt naked in front of the three world leaders. "Now, witness the strength of Russia." He puts his stuff through the bars of the cage, and the...

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A woman was having an affair.

One rainy day she was in bed with her BF when she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. Woman: 'OMG - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window'. BF: It's raining out there!' Woman: 'If my husband catches us, he'll kill us!. BF jumps out of the window! As he ran down the street in rain, he discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's marathon. He started running alongwith the others, 300 of them. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer. "Do you always...

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I saw a girl crying...

So I asked her where were her parents. She started crying even louder. Man I love working at the orphanage....

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The first female president

The year is 2028 and the United States has elected the first woman as well as the first Jewish president, Sarah Goldstein. She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says, "So, Mom, I assume you'll be coming to my inauguration?" "I don't think so. It's a ten-hour drive, your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again." "Don't worry about it, Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door." "I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmantzy;...

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What is Democracy? A boy is asked at school as homework.

So the little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is democracy?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalist. Your Mom spends the money, so we'll call her the Government. Nanny is working at home for money, she's the worker class. We're here to spend that money to take care of you, the people. And your baby brother in bed, the future." So the little boy goes off to bed and later hears his baby brother crying, he gets up to check on him and finds that he severely soiled...

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I am selling my username.

It’s just under a buck....

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A man walks into an Indian restaurant.

The waiter asks, “have you ever ordered here before?” The man replies, “No, I haven’t.” The waiter continues, “We’re a little different here. Before you order, I need you read and sign this form,” and he hands a piece of paper to the man. The man squints at the paper and reads the single sentence, “We have naan at this restaurant.” The man looked up, puzzled, and asked why he needed to sign this worthless statement. The waiter replied, impatiently, “Just sign the naan disclosure agreement and we can move on.”...

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