What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot?

671 Hallmark movies....

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In breaking news, Trump’s personal library has burned down.

The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn’t even finished coloring the second one....

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My boyfriend doesn't know me at all, he keeps giving me birds as gifts, and I don't understand it. Should we break up?

Edit: He actually just gave me five golden rings! Maybe he really does know me (: Edit2: More birds again...

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I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......

......... The Times are really Rough!!!...

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What do an alcoholic and a necrophiliac have in common?

Neither one can resist the urge to “crack open a cold one”....

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When Mozart died, you could hear his music playing backwards at his grave.

He was decomposing....

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Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large boobs.

Arthur the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try. One day Arthur revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Simon the Erudite lawyer, the King's chief adviser. Simon thought about this and said that he could arrange for Arthur to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it. Without pause, Arthur readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Simon got a batch of itching powder and poured...

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