A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror.

Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday. “I’d like to be six again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park – the Death Slide, Wall of Fear, Screaming Monster Roller Coaster – everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took...

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I sexually identify as chocolate.

My pronouns are her/shey...

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How did the sperm get to school?

I wore the wrong socks today....

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Drunk husband

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's key in the door. "Stay where you are," she whispered. "He's so drunk he won't even notice you're in bed with me." The husband lurched into bed, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He turned to his wife: "Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What's going on?" "You're so drunk you miscounted," said the wife. "Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there." The husband climbed...

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Did you know that Stephen King has a son named Joe?

I'm not joking, but he is...

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Boss: "You called in sick yesterday and said you had the Coronavirus. You can't be here until you get tested"

Me: "I said I had a case of Corona and I wasn't coming in to work. I never said anything about a virus"...

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Two boys were misbehaving... ...so their mother went to the local priest to look for advice. The priest thought it would be best if the boys learned integrity, by way of understanding that "God is everywhere, and He sees everything you do so you shouldn't misbehave."

The mother and the priest thought it best that the priest talked to the boys, so the mother agreed to take the boys in one at a time to talk to the priest. She brought the first boy (Ray) to the church and left the second boy (Jim) at home. She took Ray into the priest's office and stayed outside while the priest and Ray talked. "Where is God?" The priest calmly asked expecting to make the point that "God is everywhere". Ray, petrified, said nothing. So the priest asked again slightly louder, "Where is God?!". Ray still said nothing. So the priest...

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