Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
Thứ Tư, 6 tháng 1, 2021
My neighbor visited my house the other day
He said: Isn't your house the same as mine? How many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your living room when you moved in?
12 I said.
A few days later he came back, pretty pissed. "I just finished, and I have 7 rolls of wallpaper left!"
Yeah, so did I.
*Heard in Dutch and translated.
My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!
Officer: Age?
Husband: I'm not sure. Somewhere between 50 and 60. We don't do birthdays.
Officer: Height?
Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
OFFICER : Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
OFFICER : Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think.
OFFICER : Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember.
OFFICER : What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
OFFICER : What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
OFFICER : What kind of truck was it?
Husband : A 2017, manufactured September 16th, pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 .with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB ports, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting.
At this point the husband started choking up.
OFFICER : Take it easy sir, We'll find your truck.
The engine on the airplane sputters to a stop
The captain comes over the intercom. "Attention passengers we've had a minor problem with one of our engines but we have three more and will only be a little late arriving at our destination". A short while later another engine grinds to a halt with a small train of smoke coming from it. Again the captain comes on the intercom. "Attention passengers We are continuing to have minor technical issues with our engines but we have two fully functional engines and will now be an hour late to our destination." Passengers begin to grumble but hope for the best. The third engine also stops and very quickly the captain comes over the intercom. Attention passengers we are down to one engine and are looking for and open runway for maintenance" One of the passengers stands up and says "thank God that fourth engine didn't go otherwise we would be stuck up here all day".
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