A Jewish man sends his son to Israel

A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while. Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this odd so he mentions it to his friend.

The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says "That's odd. I sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian." So the two of them went to see the Rabbi.

They told the Rabbi the story of how they had both sent their sons to Israel as Jews, and how both sons had returned as Christian's. The Rabbi listened, thought for a minute and then said "That's odd. I also sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as a Christian.

So the three of them decide to go to Israel to find out what's going on over there. They arrive and go straight to the Western Wall to pray. They explain to God all about how they sent their sons to Israel as Jews and how they all returned as Christians.

There is a long silence, and then God begins to speak saying, "That's odd I sent . . ."

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Two men are playing golf when one realises he's left his jacket at the last tee

He goes back to get it, stops halfway and turns back. "What's up?" asks his mate. "Well, you see those two women at the tee. One's my wife, and she's playing with my mistress." His mate laughs and says, "No worries, I'll go get it for you." He stops halfway, comes back, looks at his mate and says "Small world."

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I saw my dwarf of a neighbour at a bus stop.

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I offered.

"Fuck off!" He yelled.

"What an ungrateful little cunt," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and kept walking.

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Do you want to know why the republicans won't impeach Trump?

Because they believe in carrying a baby to full term.

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A worker at a cucumber factory had this strange urge...

He wanted to stick his dick into the cucumber cutter. The urge was growing and growing until he decided to visit a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist found that the only way to heal the urge was to actually go ahead and do it.

The next day the worker came home early, his wife asked why. Ashamed, he admitted he had this urge to stick his dick into the cucumber cutter, went to the psychiatrist, who told him to do it so he went ahead and did it. So he got fired immediately.

His wife in shock checked whether everything was ok with his "belongings". Everything was fine... so she asked: "What happend to the cucumber cutter?"

Worker: " I think she got fired, too!"

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A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police:

• Hello, is this 911?
• Yes, what is your emergency?
• I called to inform you that you're 910 now.

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Why didn't 4 ask out 5?

Because she was 2²

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