What’s the Wi-Fi password?

Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. OK, I’ll have a Coke. Bartender: Three dollars. There you go. So what’s the Wi‑Fi password? Bartender: “You need to buy a drink first.” No spaces, all lowercase....

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If I end up on life support, unplug me.

Then plug me back in. See if that works....

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I just farted on my wallet

Now I have Gas Money! *Told to me by my 9 year old daughter, who thought it's hilarious! (I agree lol)...

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I'm like a non-newtonian fluid

I get hard when you hit me...

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Where do DJs do their research?

Wiki-wiki-wikipedia...

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I had sex with my second cousin, and now it's really awkward

I should have learnt my lesson with the first one....

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A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile." Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye...

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