How many vegans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to get on their high horse and the other to chastise them for oppressing the horse....

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Had to quit my job at the watch factory.

The guy sitting opposite me, kept making faces....

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I don't like over confident people

Edit: Thanks for the silver! Edit2: thanks for the gold! Edit3: thanks for the platinum! Edit4: thanks guys! I never expected this post to blow up like it did!!...

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What is first prize in a competition to lose muscle mass?

a trophy....

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My first NSFW joke that I proudly wrote when I was 9 years old: What's the difference between tennis and badminton?

A: One you play with your balls, one you play with your cock....

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For every Dollar a man makes a woman makes 70 cents. That's really unfair.

That only leaves the man with 30c....

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Scarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was... At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasn't anybody else in the island... He eventually built a cabin, had a functioning automatic potable water supply, and all sorts of little clever commodities, all done to make her life easier... it was the most effort any man had ever done for her, and all the hard work made...

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