The letter "F".
Thứ Ba, 22 tháng 6, 2021
A young comedian was following in his late father's footsteps.
One night, one of his dad's friends caught his show and went back stage after to say hello. "I loved your show, you're doing good for yourself, but you don't look happy. You okay?"
"Well," the comedian confessed, "dad gave me a lot of good advice, and I think it's been the key to getting me bigger and better venues, and more success than I thought possible. But...well, it's lonely on the road."
"No disrespect to your mom," the friend said, "but your dad did pretty well with the ladies out on the road. Didn't he give you any advice about that?"
"Oh yeah! And I follow it! Whenever I'm doing a show I look for a woman that's not laughing at my routine, and I hit on her after the show."
The friend rubbed his head, "I can't imagine that'd work, or that your dad would advise that. You sure that's what he said to do?"
"Oh yeah, he must have said it a dozen times a day! 'If they can't take a joke, fuck em!'"
A woman asked her husband why he was coming up with so many silly dad jokes recently.
He admitted to her that, since they had kids, their sex life had grown a bit stale.
Laughing, she grabbed a peach from the kitchen counter and pulled him toward her.
Slowly, seductively, she ate it while staring into his eyes, sucking the last of the pulp from the pit.
Then, while he stared on in disbelief, she used the pit to masturbate to completion, moaning all the while as she longingly stared at him.
When she finished, she gently beckoned him with her finger. He stood over her, slack-jawed, as she leaned back on the counter.
"So, what do you think about that, Mr. Dad Jokes?" she said with a smirk.
He grinned. "That...was mother fucking hard core."
"I'm groping the balls of the storm."
The manager hesitated for a moment on the phone. "I'm sorry, can you repeat that?" he asked the newly hired immigrant worker.
"I...rub the storm...balls?" the man said, coughing.
Before he could ask again, the manager heard a little commotion on the line, followed by a younger voice.
"I'm so sorry, my father has been learning English. He won't be making it into work today because he's feeling sick."
"Oh! That's perfectly fine, but...what was the part about rubbing...storm balls...?"
The kid laughed. "We were working on popular English idioms this week. He was trying to say he's feeling under the weather."
[Long] A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
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