The guy sighs and says, "I am down. My wife is mad at me, and said she wouldn't talk to me for a whole month."
The bartender says, "Gee, that's too bad. When does that start?"
"Start? Today's the last day."...
Thứ Sáu, 16 tháng 7, 2021
Am I adopted?
Fred came home from University in tears.
"Mum, am I adopted?"
"No of course not", replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?
Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city.
Perturbed, his mother called her husband. "Honey, Fred has done a DNA test, and... and... I don't know how to say this... he may not be our son."
"Well, obviously!" he replied.
"What do you mean?"
"It was your idea in the first place" her husband continued. "You...
3 construction workers
Kind long
3 construction workers ate lunch together everyday.
Worker 1: I swear if my wife makes me another bologna sandwich I’m gonna jump off this skyscraper
Worker 2: same man. I can’t take another roast beef sandwich
Worker 3: fuck it! I’m in. I’m over Pbj
The next day they all get the same lunch. The write a note explains they’re sick of their wives feeding them the same thing every day, sign it, and jump.
At the funeral wives of 1 and 2 are crying together when the see wife 3 just standing there. They walk over and ask “how aren’t you upset??...
Thứ Năm, 15 tháng 7, 2021
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint
A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?”
The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.”
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’, and that he’s going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping...
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a Construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.
He says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."
And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand."
So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.
He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea...
In a confession booth...
ME: I committed all seven deadly sins in 30 minutes.
PRIEST: Wow I gotta hear this.
ME: I was angry and envious at my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and I didn't share.
PRIEST: You forgot pride.
ME: No, Im pretty proud of this....
A teenage immigrant boy comes home from school.
His mother asks him "How were your classes today?"
"Today we had sex education mama"
Shocked his mother replies. "What?! You go to your room and wait till your father comes home. He's going to have stern words with you."
When the father comes home and learns about his sons class he replies. "This isn't the old country, people are more liberal here, don't worry. This should be good for him."
Feeling bad she goes upstairs to apologise and finds him vigorously masturbating.
The mother says. "Luigi, when you finish your homework I want to have a word...
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