so we started using lube.
Chủ Nhật, 18 tháng 7, 2021
Mr. and Mrs. Johnson had been happily married for decades, but there was one thing that bothered Mr. Johnson.
They had five sons named Al, Ben, Carl, Dan, and Edgar. Now Al, Ben, Carl, and Dan were all tall, thin, and handsome, but Edgar was short, fat, and ugly. Throughout his life, Mr. Johnson wondered if Edgar was really his son, but he never built up the courage to ask his wife.
Finally, the day came when Mr. Johnson lay dying on a hospital bed. He realized that asking his wife about Edgar was now or never.
"There is just one thing I want to know before I die," said Mr. Johnson. "Is Edgar really my son?"
"Yes, my darling husband," replied Mrs. Johnson. "Yes, he is your son."
"Thank you," said Mr. Johnson, and breathed his final breath, which was the most relieved breath he had ever taken.
"Phew!" said Mrs. Johnson. "Thank goodness he didn't ask about the other four..."
The year is 1939, Soviet troops are marching on Finland
As they cross the border, the general hears a Finnish voice just over a hill saying "one Finnish soldier is better than 10 Soviet soldiers!".
The general laughs and sends 10 soldiers to take the hill, after a minute or so of gunfire, the same voice says "one Finnish soldier is better than 100 Soviet troops!"
Baffled and annoyed, the general sends 100 soldiers to take the hill, after about 5 minutes of gunfire and explosions, the same voice says "one Finnish soldier is better than a thousand Soviets!"
Furious, the general sends 1000 troops to take the hill, complete with tanks, high explosives, aircraft and artillery, and tells them not to return until the hill is taken. After half an hour of all hell breaking loose, everything falls silent. One Soviet troop, severely wounded and battered, drags himself to the general and says "don't send any more troops, comrade general, it's a trap, there's two of them."
My wife walked in on me while I was watching porn.
In a panic reflex I instantly changed to a random channel, the fishing channel.
As my wife walks out again she says: "you should stay on the porn channel... you know how to fish."
A cab driver picks up a Nun...
The driver looks in the rear view mirror and says, "Excuse me sister, I've always fantasised about having sex with a nun."
The nun replies, "Yeah, you and everyone else. Tell me are you a Catholic?"
"Actually I am" says the cabbie.
The nun then climbs into the front seat and gives him the best blow job of his life. Really curls his toes.
Feeling bad he says, "Actually sister I'm not Catholic".
The nun replies. "That's OK, my name is Bruce and I am going to fancy dress party."
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