Penguin blowjob

I asked a prostitute for sex but she refused because I only had $5. She instead offered me a 'penguin blowjob'. I had no idea what it was but thought for $5, that was a pretty good deal. She took off my belt and lowered my trousers and underpants to my ankles and began sucking. As things were heating up, she stopped, turned around and started walking away. I ran after her with my trousers and underpants still around my ankles, pleading for her to finish....

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Two aliens landed in the desert near a petrol station that was closed for the night.

They approached one of the pumps assuming it was an earthling and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, we come in peace. Take us to your leader.' The pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger alien was stumped. The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.' But the younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response. Shocked and insulted by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore...

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Hitler dies and goes in front of a hell gate...

St. Peter is waiting, judging him. They stand in silence when Hitler breaks it:" St. Peter, where am I?" "Hell, Hitler." he responds. "Ya, ya, Heil Hitler, but where am I?"....

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What do dildos and tofu have in common?

>: they are meat substitutes:<...

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A man and his wife went on a weekend trip to the big city

Tired of going from shop to shop and arguing with his wife about it, he stands outside the next shop in protest. While waiting a prostitute walks up to him and ask if he wants a quickie in the alley. After thinking it over, he replies: "Well why the hell not. I haven't tried much in my life and I'm not getting any younger." He digs through his pockets and pulls out a $5 bill. "This is all I got." he says and tries to hand it over. "What the hell do you take me for? $5 won't get you shit" the prostitute replies and walks off. After a while, the...

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A redneck birth control

After having the 10th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough since they could not afford another kid. So the husband went to his doctor and told him the he and his wife didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a empty beer can and then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The guy said to the doctor, "I may not be a...

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Boobs are like the sun

You can only stare at ‘em for a very short time. But if you wear sunglasses, you can stare at ‘em as much as you want....

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