An Irishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman...

...are robbing the manor house. One of them trips the alarm and before you know it the cops arrive with sirens blaring and lights flashing. The three unlucky gents are in the kitchen, and looking around the Scotsman spies three empty sacks in the corner..." right lads....in the sacks " he says! The police are searching through the house when the Detective Inspector sees the three sacks in the corner. " ...oo arr!? Wot we got ere then now?... " He walks over to the first one and gives it a nudge with his boot...the Scotsman, inside, thinks quick...

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A man goes to an animal market

He goes up to a rooster seller and buys a rooster. The seller hands it to him and says, "Oh, in this business, we call it a cock". The man takes note and goes to buy a hen seller. The seller hands it to him after paying and tells him "By the way, in this business, we call it a pullet". The man nods and goes to a donkey seller. Hey buys it and turns to leave but the seller calls him back. "I forgot to tell you but we call donkeys in these parts asses. Also, this is a very lazy donkey, it likes to sometimes abruptly sit down. To get it stand up,...

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I rang my brothers house....

...and his six year old son, Billy, answered the phone. "Hey Billy" I said "Is your Dad there? "Yes" he answered is a whisper. "But he's busy." "What about your Mum?" I said "She's busy too", he replied, but again in a whisper I could barely hear. "What are they doing?" I asked "They're talking to the policemen" he replied, still in a very faint whisper. "What are the policemen doing there?" I asked "Looking for me" he whispered...

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What's the difference between the Taliban and Texas?

The Taliban requires women to wear masks...

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Did you hear about the man who installed a window in his butt?

It was a pane in the ass....

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My dogs hair was getting long so I told my friend about it

He told me to go to the groomers I don’t see how the pope is gonna help...

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Old Woman

An old lady is walking down the street carrying 2 large sacks and one is leaking 20$ bills. A cop stops her and asks "Where did an old lady like you get all that money?" and she replied, Well you see I live behind a golf course and when the golfers need to pee they stick their penis in a hole in my fence and pee in my yard, well it got to be a problem because it was killing all my flowers, the cop replied. "Ok, now why the money. The old lady continued, "Well I started standing behind my fence with a pair of hedge clips so that when the golfers...

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