For christmas i bought my girlfriend a pair of shoes and a dildo.

That way if she doesnt like the shoes she can go fuck herself.

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My girlfriend is sick of me pretending that I'm a transformer.

Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a tranformer. I'm leaving you."

Me: "No baby wait, I can change..."

Girlfriend: "See! There you go again!"

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Tall people don't need to be inspirational

Everyone already looks up to them.

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Xbox and PlayStation are having a fight...

Then the cops show up: "Wii U, Wii U, Wii U, Wii U..."

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Jared Fogle began and ended his career the same way...

Trying to get into smaller pants

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What do you call a fight between a Mexican and Jared Fogle?

Alien vs Predator.

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What do you call a jewish pokemon trainer?

Ash.

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