We should send sex offenders to storm Area 51

Alien Vs Predator...

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What did the burglar say after detonating a bomb inside Ft. Knox?

Edit: Wow! This blew up! Thanks for the gold!...

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I saw a woman crying in the supermarket

So I stopped and asked what had happened. Through the sobs, said said that she was due to go on holiday, but all the money she had been saving for months was gone. Feeling sorry for her, I decided to give her £50 to try and help a bit. It's not something I'd normally do, but I just found £2,000 in the car park...

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I will die in a month

but don't know in which one....

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My grandpa went to Vietnam and he shot and killed dozens of North Vietnamese singlehandedly.

We are going on vacation somewhere else next year....

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When I was younger, the local priest told me that I was the prettiest boy he'd ever seen.

I was touched....

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Handjobs [nsfw]

A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu: "Cheeseburger: $5 Fries: $3 Handjobs: $10." He walks up to the window and there is a beautiful blonde working behind the counter. "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?" he asks, handing her ten dollars. "Yes, I am," she replies seductively. "Well, wash your hands, I want two cheeseburgers."...

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