Heaven's New Rule

Heaven is getting a little crowded, so God decides to have a new rule. The new rule is that no one can get into heaven from now on unless they had a really bad death. God explains this to all the angels, including St. Peter, who is the gatekeeper of heaven.

So St. Peter is waiting at the gate for a while, and surely enough a guy comes up. The guy thinks to himself "Since I am up here, I must be in." He is ready to walk in, when St. Peter stops him and explains the new rule. The guy goes "Okay, but how will you know if I had a bad death or not?"

St. Peter thinks for a minute and says, "Well just tell me how you died and I will decide."

The guy begins, "I was planning to go to a party after work, but since I was exhausted I did not go, but instead came home. As I was walking into my condo, which is on the 4th floor by the way. I saw shoes at my door that did not belong, so I barge into my apartment and surely enough I find my wife half naked. I search the whole apartment up and down and don't find anyone. All of a sudden, I hear a guy screaming for help from my balcony. So I go out there and see a guy hanging for his life from my balcony. I start stomping on his fingers and make sure he lets go of the balcony and falls down. The bastard falls into the bushes and I look down but still see him twitching. So I decide to grab my refrigerator and throw it down the balcony to make sure the son of a bitch dies. But after doing all that hard work I had an heart attack. Now I am up here."

St. Peter thinks for a second and says "Well you're wife cheated on you right before you died that seems like a pretty bad way to die. What the hell, go on ahead in buddy."

A few seconds pass and another guy comes to the gates. St. Peter gives him the whole talk and tells him to tell him his story.

The guy begins, "I live on the 5th floor of a condo and I was on my balcony practicing yoga when all of a sudden I lost my balance and fell. Luckily, I caught the 4th floor's balcony. I am hanging there for my dear life and screaming for help. Out of nowhere, this guy comes out swearing and starts stomping on my fingers for no reason. I obviously lose my grip and fall down. I fell into some bushes and survived. I was struggling to get up and when I opened my eyes I see a refrigerator come at me. Now I am up here."

St. Peter decides "That's a pretty bad death, go on in buddy."

A few seconds later another guy comes up and St. Peter gives him the talk and tells him to tell his story.

The guy begins, "I was hiding in a refrigerator when..."