AYE MAT...
Thứ Bảy, 28 tháng 2, 2015
Black Sheep
A missionary is sent into the deepest part of Africa to live with a tribe. One day, the wife of one of the tribe's noblemen gives birth to a white baby. The village chief confronts the missionary: "You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here, a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man who has ever set foot in our village!" The missionary replies, "No, no. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what is called an albino. Look over at that field. See the flock of white sheep? - and yet...
Here is one of my favourite Iranian jokes that I've translated to English for you all, hope you like it
One day there was a king who had the the most beautiful daughter anyone had ever seen.Everyone wanted to sleep with his daughter so he thought he would make a game of this.King: "Anyone who can wrestle my lion and kill it will be given permission fuck my daughter"For days men would turn up from all over the land to try and kill the lion and would fail miserably. Finally a Turkish man showed up and went into the empty arena with the lion.They were wrestling for about 30 minutes and everyone could hear loud screams from both.After 45 minutes the...
A Korean and a Jew
Jew: Hey... weren't you people responsible for Pearl Harbor?Korean: Uh... that was the Japanese. I'm Korean.Jew: Pffft, Japanese, Chinese, Korean. What's the difference?Korean: Well wait, weren't you people responsible for sinking the Titanic?Jew: Uh... that was an iceberg.Korean: Pffft, Rosenberg, Goldberg, iceberg... What's the differen...
Son asks his dad about politics..
A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said.Later that...
Lion Cub Fed Only Yogurt And Bread To Stunt Its Growth Is Rescued From Circus
Veterinarians from across the world rushed to save the cub and are now trying to get it to a wildlife sanctuary in South Africa.This is Magnus, a lion cub born in captivity who was fed nothing but yogurt and bread to stunt his growth at a Spanish circus. Viktor Larkhill / Let's Go! Global The lion was separated from his mother just days after birth so he could be turned into a tourist attraction for the circus, according to Let's Adopt! Global, the...
Watch This Tearful Reunion Between A 10-Year-Old Boy And His Missing Cat
Jared and Clyde, best friends forever.Jared, a 10-year-old autistic boy was devastated when his beloved 11-year-old cat Clyde went missing. 12 days later, Jared came home to discover that Clyde had been found by a neighbor, and all was right in the world! The video was originally uploaded by Jared's mom back in 2010 and is picking up steam again thanks to a re-post on Rumble Viral.youtube.com / Via youtube.com Jared and Clyde have been together...
An unemployed engineer opens a clinic...
He soon goes out of business, since the field is over saturated due to all the unemployed engineers opening clinics recent...
Meet The One Man Responsible For All Your Favorite Pop-Punk Records
From the Used and Good Charlotte to Ashlee Simpson and 5 Seconds of Summer, producer extraordinaire John Feldmann spills all.Meet John Feldmann. You may think you don't know him, but you totally do. The man has had a hand in some of the most important pop-punk (and pop, looking at you, Ashlee Simpson, Hilary Duff, and Mandy Moore) records of the last two decades, perfecting a millennial sound all-too familiar: Loud live drums, a focus on vocal performance,...
These 29 Asshole Cats Are Sitting On Top Of The Goddamn Fridge
And they are not getting down.Hey, what are you doing up there? instagram.com Come on, get down. instagram.com Don't strike a defiant pose with me, buddy. instagram.com Seriously, you're not even gonna look at me when I'm speaking to you? instagram.com View Entire List...
Can You Watch This Video Without Smiling?
We don’t think you can. Prove us wrong, and check out BuzzFeed’s new Cute Or Not app! BuzzFeed Yellow / Via youtube.com LINK: Based on this adorable post....
This world has become disgusting!
I was offered sex today, with a 21 year old girl. In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner on reddit. Of course I declined because I am a person of high moral standards with a strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajox, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available scented with lemon or vanil...
Thứ Sáu, 27 tháng 2, 2015
A Blonde,Brunette,and a Redhead..
A Blonde,Brunette,and a Redhead decide to check their daughters bags,All 3 of them found condoms in their respective daughters bags.The Brunette was stunned and said :" We're a catholic family, It is a sin to have premarital sex "The Redhead said "Its Good to see my girl is using protection, Because prevention is better than cure !".The Blonde said: " OH MY GOD, MY DAUGHTER HAS A PENIS...
MARU FOUND A PUSHCART AND THE WORLD WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just when you thought it was impossible for Maru to be any more legendary … youtube.com...
A snail gets mugged
A snail is heading home from work, very late one night. He gets mugged by a turtle. The policeman says "Can you describe the guy?" The snail says "I don't know . . . it all happened so fas...
So Bob goes to the doctor
Bob saw his doctor and asked if he had ever laughed at a patient. "In over 20 years I haven't because I try to remain professional." With that Bob dropped his trousers revealing the tiniest dick the doctor had ever seen. It wasn't any bigger than a AAA battery. The doctor burst into uncontrolable hysteria. "I'm sorry I really am, I don't know what came over me, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen" said B...
An unemployed engineer opens a clinic..
An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: "A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; we'll pay you $1,000 if we fail."A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.Doctor: "I have lost my sense of taste."Engineer: "Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."Doctor: "This is Gasoline!"Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back...
Kittens Do Things For The First Time
Can you handle this level of cute? Check out BuzzFeed’s new Cute Or Not app! BuzzFeedVideo / Via youtu.be LINK: Check out BuzzFeed's new Cute Or Not app!...
An Irishman, a Greek, and a Jew die and stand at the gates of heaven
The keeper of the gates tells them "Well, you have all lived pretty decent lives, but you all fall victim to your respective stereotypes. So here's what's going to happen. You all will go back down to earth for 24 hours and you must avoid your weaknesses. "Irishman, alcohol cannot touch your lips. "Jew, you cannot touch money. "And Greek, if you even think about having sex... "You go straight to hell." So they all find themselves back on earth. They go about their day just find, until they pass by a pub. The Irishman shakes and shakes. "I CAN'T...
Brunette goes to the doctor
A brunette goes into a doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it."Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain.The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I dyed my hair. I'm naturally blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broke...
Wife texts husband, "Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband replies, "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."Wife sends back 5 minutes later, "Computer is really messed up no...
How The "Fifty Shades Of Grey" Soundtrack Got So Good
Universal Pictures. The surprise success story of the ever-expanding Fifty Shades of Grey franchise isn’t the film adaptation, which needed only two weeks to draw BDSM-curious viewers to the tune of over $400 million worldwide, but the film’s soundtrack — a sexy/cool compilation that recently became the fastest-selling multi-act soundtrack in a decade. Featuring original music by Beyoncé, Sia, The Weeknd, and Ellie Goulding, the album, released...
Premiere: Hot Sugar Does Terrible Things In New "Sinkies" Video
“You can get away with horrific crimes in broad daylight without getting caught if you smile politely,” he tells BuzzFeed Music.Nick Koenig a.k.a. Hot Sugar’s new video for his song “Sinkies” is a drug-fueled trip down a wormhole styled by Harmony Korine. Nick Koenig a.k.a. Hot SugarShore Fire Media It’s ultimately about love, lost connections, and how we communicate and survive in the age of the internet. But it starts with some good old-fashioned...
Scottish Flirting
A couple went out to the pub in Scotland for a few drinks. The boyfriend went to the loo, leaving his girlfriend alone at the bar.A sauced fellow approaches her at the bar. "Wow," he says in his thick accent, "you're so beautiful! If yous was my girlfriend, I'd kiss ye all over!"The girl, offended, retorts, "Ye can't say that to me! When my boyfriend comes back, he'll beat ye on up!"The man says, "That's not all! If yous was me girlfriend, I'd take yer shirt off and slap yer titties around!"She says, "Ye can't say that to me! When me boyfriend...
Thứ Năm, 26 tháng 2, 2015
Three people in the Amazon forest get caught by a tribe...
They were being held by the tribesmen outside the village. The head tribesman who speaks English tells them, "You have trespassed into our territory. As we are a considerate folk, you have the option to choose either Jhingalala for a minute or Death. You can give me your choice when you are summoned into the village for your judgement"They all agreed that they didn't want to die and decided to go for Jhingalala. The first guy gets summoned to the village, gives his choice. The head tribesman yells ,"JHINGALALA!" which was followed by the most painful...
An American, an Indian, and a Russian got in Hell..
An American, an Indian, and a Russian got in Hell and plead to the Devil that they don't belong here. The Devil, bored, makes them an offer: "I will strike you 3 times with my whip, and if you survive, I'll let you go. You can use anything you want as a shield".The American goes first. He builds a high-tech shield from depleted uranium and composites, and hides behind it. The Devil strikes once - the shield cracks; twice - the shield falls apart; thrice - the American is no more.Next goes the Indian. He puts himself in some advanced Yoga position...
Hot Australian Zoologist Guy Takes Baths With Animals
That is literally what this post is.Meet Chris Humfrey. Chris is your regular Aussie guy. He spends his time hanging out, pondering his own purpose in life, and taking baths with crocodiles. This is Chris with "Snappy Tom," a four-year-old crocodile that, y'know, could kill him.Jay Town / Jay Town/Newspix / Rex/REX USA Chris understands (as most Australians do) that on top of a balanced diet and regular exercise, it is also important to make sure...
The Happiest Dog In The World Who Overcame Cancer
Gluta was a stray dog in Thailand who was diagnosed with cervical cancer. Thanks to her adoptive family, she now lives the healthiest and happiest of lives.Say hello to Gluta, an adorable cancer survivor! After she was rescued from her life as a stray, it was discovered she had metritis, a condition that affects the uterus. When doctors removed the uterus, her problems didn't quite stop: they found out she had cervical cancer. Luckily, she was able...
Three men turn up at the Pearly Gates of Heaven.
Saint Peter asks the three men: ' Did you commit any adultery during your lifetime?''NEVER! I have lived a pure and virtuous life!', The first man shouts. 'All right, you may enter heaven en drive a golden Ferrari for eternity!', Saint Peter says.The second man says: ' Well you know... I've had a fling with my secretary. But, I am remorseful'. 'For this sin, you shall drive a golden Ford for all eternity', Saint Peter says.The third man states: ' I have not lived faithful. I've cheated on my wife at every chance I've had. Yet, I am remorseful.'...
This Is How You Can Tell If You Have The Cutest Pet
BuzzFeed’s insanely popular Cute Or Not feature now has its very own app and it is AWESOME. To download the free app and see who’s cute, who’s not, and how your own pet measures up, go here!It's called Cute or Not, and you can download it for free here.Legally Mandated Warning: If your personal life philosophy prevents you from enjoying things that are (a) Adorable, (b) Cute, © Precious, (d) Huggable, or (e) All fo the above, this app may not be...
There were two buddies out walking their dogs...
One with a Doberman pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua, when they smelled something delicious coming from a nearby restaurant.The guy with the Doberman says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat." The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."The buddy with the Doberman says, "Just follow my lead." He puts on a pair of dark glasses and walks into the restaurant, when the restaurant owner comes up and says, "Sorry pal, no pets allowed."The man with the Doberman replies, "You...
Kids these days
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before the cop rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says,...
A family is sitting around the dinner table (dirty joke)
The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"The father, understandably surprised, answers, "Well son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her 20s, a women's breasts are like melons: round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears: still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.""Onions?""Yes, you see them and they make you cry."The daughter glares at her father and then asks, "Mom how many kinds of penises are there?"The mother, surprised, smiles and replies, "Well dear, a man goes through 3 phases....
Jon is having "stamina" trouble with his wife.
So one night, he asks his good friend Billy for advice."Billy, I just can't stay hard. I come too soon. I don't know what to do.""Once you're hard, slam your dick on the dresser a few times. It'll be so numb, you won't feel a thing, and will go for hours!"Jon gets hard just thinking about it. He goes home, gets naked, and starts slamming his dick against his wooden dresser with a THUD THUD THUD, when he hears his wife's voice from the bathroom -"Billy, is that yo...
There is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.”A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, righ...
A girl and her sniper rifle.
I had a friend named Sierra once. She was a pretty chill girl. Really only had two defining characteristics about her though, her love of lemon-lime sodas and her innate marksmanship. She was a damn good crackshot.Her dad was a bit of a gun nut. Owned lots of rifles including a classic, old-time sniper from back in the WWII era. Beautiful old thing. She learned to fire it at age 12, could hit targets at 100 meters by age 15. She ended up entering some sharpshooting competition around the area.This one competition was particularly important to her...
A policeman searched me last night...
A policeman searched me in a public toilet last night and found a small bag of class A drugs."It's not my fault," I said, "Every time I try flushing them down the toilet they magically appear back in my pocket again.""Do you really expect me to believe that?" he laughed. I said, "I'll prove it to you if you want me to!""Go on then." he smiled, handing me the bag.After flushing them, he looked at me and said, "Well, show me your pocket then.""What for?" I asked.He said, "The drugs."I said, "What drug...
Here's The REAL Reason America Expanded To The West
All thanks to Thomas Jefferson, president/paleontologist/sloth-rider.This is Horace Greeley. commons.wikimedia.org commons.wikimedia.org gilderlehrman.org View Entire List...
A bus full of ugly people unexpectedly crashes and kills everyone on board
Everyone shows up at the Gates of Heaven where God comes to meet them all Himself."Gee guys, I didn't intend for that to happen, I'm really sorry. I can't just resurrect you all, but to make up for it I'll grant you all one wish before I let you in."The first person steps up and thinks for a moment. He says "You know God, I've been ugly all my life. For once I would like to know what it is like to be beautiful. Make me beautiful." So God snaps his fingers and it is so.Everyone else starts chattering amongst themselves at such a brilliant idea....
Thứ Tư, 25 tháng 2, 2015
One day, terrorists attacked a village [NSFW]
Warning : A joke from my own language. Terrible grammar ahead.They took the men of village as hostages. The head of terrorists wanted to have some fun this time. He called the wives of the men to the camp of terrorists. He put bandage to women's eyes and told men to lose their pants. Terrorist turned to the women and said "You are going to touch every penis one by one. If you find your husband, that couple will be saved. If you cant find, wife and husband will die." After that, first woman started to check penises one by one, "Not this, not this,...
18 Animals Who Could Use A Little More Sleep
These yawns are both cute and contagious."Shove a coffee at me." dogsdoingpplthings.tumblr.com "There is a big possibility that I'm currently sleeping with my eyes open." instagram.com "It's still too early for me to walk, clearly." thedogist.com "MY EYES WILL JUST STAY OPEN AND AWAKE UNTIL MY SOUL IS ALSO OPEN AND AWAKE." instagram.com View Entire List...
Premiere: Watch Sam Rockwell Dance Like No One's Watching In Flight Facilities' New Video
This guy can seriously dance.This is Flight Facilities, an aeronautics-obsessed Australian production duo known for suave but funky electronic pop (see "Crave You" and "Stand Still") that shifts gears between subtle and soaring. Future Classic / Glassnote. And this is Sam Rockwell, a respected actor known for daring roles in such films as Moon, Seven Psycopaths, and Choke. Glassnote. Rockwell is also known to be a bit of a cutup on the dancefloor,...
A mother-in-law stopped by unexpectedly to the recently married couple's house.
She knocks on the door, then immediately walks in. She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked."What are you doing?" she asked."I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered."But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed."This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained."Love dress? But you're naked!""Jeff loves me to wear this dress! It makes him happy and it makes me happy."The mother-in-law on the way home thought about the love dress. When she got home she got undressed, showered,...
Off With The Panties
Two neighbor women are taking their weekly walk together, when one of the women begins to complain about the heat.The other lady states, "I took my panties off three blocks ago, and now I'm much cooler. You should really try it." "I don't know. That seems kind of weird, but I guess I'll try it" the first lady replied.After a couple blocks, she confesses that the wind making its way up her skirt is refreshing indeed.Two blocks later, the women notice another woman sitting on her porch, eating watermelon. The woman is also wearing a skirt, and undoubtedly...
True Story.
My wife and I were shopping with her parents. Lovely people, who had just booked a holiday to New York to visit my brother in-law, who is expecting his first child. In preparation for this they needed to buy new luggage. We were walking around the shopping centre and had a few bags by the time the luggage was bought so we decided to fill the suitcase with them, which my father-in-law rolled about with ease. As the day came to close and we headed for the car my wife turned and said, 'You know what Daddy? We should take you and that bag with us every...
So this black kid was playing in the kitchen right..
He accidentally knocked a bag of flour off the shelf and it went all over him.His mom came in the kitchen and he decided to make a joke of it. "Look Mom, I'm white!" he said.His mom slapped him across the cheek. "I can't believe you just said that boy, go tell your father what you just said."Surprised and a little hurt, he walked over to his Dad in the TV room and said "Hey look Dad... I'm white!"When his Dad heard that, he flat out punched the kid. Square in the face. The kid was shocked and confused. The Dad said "Boy that's the worst shit I've...
Accounting Joke (from my professor)
Warning: This may be rather unfunny to most peopleA priest, a lawyer, and an accountant were all at the bedside of a very ill man. The man said to them,"Gentlemen, I'm dying. Before I go, however, I want to ask you one final favor: My family is rotten and I don't want to give any of them an inheritance. I would like to be buried with the remainder of my money." He then hands the priest, the lawyer, and the accountant three envelopes that contain $100,000 each."While my coffin is being lowered into the earth, please throw each of the envelopes in....
The nice old lady..
An old lady always gave the bus conductor cashew nuts and almonds to eat.Conductor: "So kind of you to give me those nuts to eat everyday. Why don't you eat them yourself?"Old Lady: "I don't have the teeth to munch them."Conductor: "Then why do you buy them?"Old Lady: "I just love the chocolate around them!" :P :P...
3 Nuns at the Pearly Gates (very mildly NSFW)
3 nuns are in a bus in Colombia, which due to budget cuts breaks it's axle, rolls over, and kills them all. When they come to, they realize that the three of them are in a cloud-filled place standing in front of an elderly man at a dais, behind whom are enormous, gold-plated gates, which at the moment are closed.The man says to them "Welcome, my friends, to the Pearly Gates. My names is Peter, and I am the gatekeeper".The nuns, thinking that they have devoted their lives to the service of God, are relieved to find out that this is where they are....
There's "No Truth" To Those Reports That Taylor Swift's Mother Won't Let Her Play Brazil
In a statement to BuzzFeed News, a representative for Swift denied a viral story that the singer avoids “third-world countries” on the advice of her mother.A spokesperson for the international pop star told BuzzFeed News Tuesday that "there is absolutely no truth" to reports that Swift has declined invitations to play concerts in Brazil because her mother won't let her perform in "third world countries." Astrid Stawiarz / Getty Images The story originated...
A Student-Debt Revolt Begins
A Student-Debt Revolt BeginsCorinthian was one of the world’s largest for-profit operators of colleges; at its height, in 2010, more than a hundred thousand students were enrolled in its schools. These days, the company can hardly be said to exist.February 24, 2015 at 10:59AMvia Digg http://ift.tt/17qD...
Premiere: Mako And Madison Beer Rewind Time In The "I Wont Let You Walk Away" Lyric Video
The dance-pop upstarts light a spark in their new video, premiering on BuzzFeed. Ultra Music Ultra Music Originally released as an instrumental track called “Sunburst," the song only became a radio-ready pop anthem after Madison, a protege of Justin Bieber’s, got involved. Mako told BuzzFeed News the idea to add vocals came from "a pretty overwhelming request" from fans. "We started sketching ideas and hunting for the right singer," the duo said...
This Is What It's Really Like Backstage At The BRITs
Spoiler alert: Includes a fairground, secret rooms, photobooths and a shit load of free make up.The BRIT Awards is always a pretty spectacular night of glamour and music. But what goes on behind-the-scenes is pretty much reserved for the celebs. However, I managed to go backstage at the o2 arena and see all the stuff that people much richer and famous will be enjoying. Here's what I learned.Anthony Harvey / Getty Images View Entire List...
Thứ Ba, 24 tháng 2, 2015
Premiere: Pop Enigma Who Is Fancy Says Hello With "Goodbye" Music Video
Who Is Fancy? A first official music video peels back the curtain.First referenced by Borchetta in a September iHeartRadio festival report from Billboard touting Big Machine's next crossover act, Fancy has closely guarded his identity, on social media and neither Big Machine, nor Republic Records (which has signed on in a joint venture), will spill the beans. "Who Is Fancy is an artist that wants to celebrate the artistry and songwriting, while not focusing on whom he is at first, allowing the music to truly speak for itself," the label told us...
16 Adorable Tips On Living Your Best Life
Sass = IMPORTANT.Try to compliment nature's beauty with your own by standing regally near it. instagram.com Only spend time with those you love. instagram.com Kiss who you wanna kiss. instagram.com Remember that it's okay to lay down the law once in a while. instagram.com View Entire List...
A married man was having an affair with his secretary
One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and...
Drop Everything, Ed Sheeran Covered Christina Aguilera's "Dirrty"
Uh oh, here we go!Ed Sheeran stopped by BBC Radio 1's Live Lounge this morning and surprised everyone with an amazing cover of Christina Aguilera's "Dirrty." BBC Radio 1 Watch the full cover and see Ed get a ~little naughty~ now! youtube.com...
Christina Aguilera's Britney Spears Impression Will Blow Your Mind
Slay, my dear shantay you stay!Christina Aguilera was a guest on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon and they played a game called "Wheel of Musical Impressions." NBC First, she killed it as Cher singing the "Folgers Coffee" Jingle. NBC But it was her next spin that really turned heads. NBC And needless to say, her impression was on point. NBC View Entire List...
One Wednesday, a teacher says to her students,
"Whoever can answer this next question correctly can go home for the day." Naturally the entire class sits up and pays attention at the possibility of skipping the whole day, particularly the class nerd.She slams her hand on the desk for emphasis and says, "How many drops of water are there in the ocean?"Naturally, none of the kids have the answer to such an abstract question. The teacher smugly tells them, "I guess we're all staying, then!"The next day, the teacher makes the same offer. "Whoever can answer this next question correctly can go home...
Meet Some Of The Hardest Working Dogs In The World
These are some pretty good dogs.These gorgeous portraits of some very awesome dogs with jobs were done by photographer Andrew Fladeboe. A mobility dog trains at a prison in Auckland, New Zealand.Andrew Fladeboe / Via theshepherdsrealm.com Montana is an epilepsy dog who is capable of detecting epileptic seizures in his owner between 30-60 minutes before they occur.Andrew Fladeboe / Via theshepherdsrealm.com Fladeboe has spent time photographing...
Drunken juggling
A Texas State trooper pulled a car over on I-35 about 2 miles south of Waco Texas. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Austin Texas to do a show for the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.The trooper said he had some flares...
What body part grows 10 times its size when stimulated?
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, "Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, "You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!"Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, "Boy, is she going to get...
Boyfriend tries to be playful, ends up with a shock
Last night as I was finishing up on the computer, my boyfriend quietly walked over to where I was sitting. I could hear him shuffling things around in his flannel pj pants, and as he stood next to me, he decided to plop his dick on my shoulder playfully. Well, the humidifier hasn't been fixed yet and our house is full of static...and I heard the snap before I felt it. I look up and he has this horrible twisted look on his face and says "Noooo" as he walks away cradling his fun parts. When I stop laughing he tells me "Whatever! There's no one you...
A drunk man is leaning against a lightpost on the corner of a busy street.
Whilst gazing blearily around, he notices a smartly dressed young man standing a few feet away, watching the people pass by. As the drunk is watching, a lovely lady comes walking along, and the young man says something to her. She immediately smiles, shakes her head, and takes his hand. The two of them together go up the stairs of a nearby row house, and inside.A short while later, the two come back down the stairs, grinning from ear to ear. They embrace affectionately, and the lady departs.This happens several times in the next few hours with...
Funny Albert Einstein Joke (not mine)
An old, funny joke - I think I saw it on reddit a while ago, but haven't seen it in a while - so here it is:When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking."I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll...
After three orgasms...
There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else.So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind...
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