The Tale of Ivan Bolshekev

There was once a man named Ivan Bolshekev. He was born in Moscow to two peasant parents in WWII Russia/USSR.

He was a very energetic child, although he didn't get much to eat or play with. He was still optimistic and happy always, though. His parents both loved him and his seven siblings equally.

The boy loved his father the most, though. His dad was always there for him and would always take him out to the woods to play with a ball. They both had fun all the time!

One day, however, everything changed. Ivan's beloved father was fired from his job since he was no longer needed, so the family was out of money. Desperate to make money, he stole some bread from a shop owner.

Ivan's father was sentenced to be thrown into a gulag for the rest of his life, where he did backbreaking labor until his back gave in. At that point, he was lined up against a wall along with all the other useless prisoners and shot by guards.

Ivan was devestated. He couldn't believe his beloved father was gone, and when his mother got the news that her beloved husband was dead, she killed herself out of grief, leaving the seven children orphaned.

The kids went into the woods instead of into civilization, hoping to be able to live off of the land, but they only lasted one month in the unforgiving Russian winter.

Ivan was the only survivor. The others had died, but he was the strongest and most determined of them, and be basically refused to give up and die like they did. Eventually, he found a bear hunter who took him to civilization. He was saved.

Twenty years later, Ivan is now an adult. The economy in Russia (the USSR is now gone) is bad, so he doesn't have a job. One day, he reads about the success of the United States of America in a newspaper, so he decides to go there.

He packs his bags, gets on a ferry with money he had gotten from his long-lost grandfather's will, and goes to America.

When he gets there, he finds a nice apartment to stay in and begins looking for job oppurtunities. When he doesn't find anything good, he sighs and goes to take a walk, hoping to get some ideas.

While walking, he passes a swimming pool that has a sign labelled 'HELP WANTED'. Ivan smiles, for he has always had a passion for swimming, so he goes there and signs up to be a swimming instructor.

However, he is told that he needs to prove that he can swim well enough, so he is instructed to do a few laps in the pool.

He smiles and takes off his clothes, revealing his large muscles. The secretary, who is female, is quite aroused. He then flawlessly dives into the water and completes all the laps in a minute. He gets the job.

Three weeks into his new job, he is told by a student at the pool that he could be a pro swimmer at the Olympics with his talent. He decided to do just that, so he begins training more before signing up for the Olympics.

Time comes for the Olympics, and he dives into the water and swims for all his worth. However, he only makes third place because the other swimmers are also very experienced and talented, possibly even more.

The press asks him how he feels and he says, "It's alright. I've dealt with many hardships in my life."

Four years later, he signs up for the Olympics again, and this time, he gets fourth place, which is even worse.

The press asks about how he feels, and he says, "It's alright. I've dealt with many hardships in my life".

Four years later, he signs up again, and this time, he finally gets the gold medal!

He is hailed as a hero in his homeland, Russia. Everyone there is talking about him and how he has brought pride to his nation. There is even a petition asking for Ivan to come to Russia to bask in the glory, and it has two hundred thousand signatures so far. Eventually, Ivan agrees and heads for Russia.

Before he goes, he packs his bags, as usual. He gets on a boat, which he notices is very sturdy.

Halfway through the journey, two Russian passengers recognize him and ask for autographs. He happily obliges.

They then ask if he can demonstrate his skills by swimming in the ocean, which he agrees to.

The helmsman, who is also a big fan, excitedly stops the boat in order for Ivan to demonstrate his swimming prowess to the excited passengers. The entire boat is anticipating this.

Ivan gets to the top of the boat, waves to everyone, and then dives. However, instead of landing in the water, he accidentally crashes headfirst onto the sturdy floor of the boat.

There is blood everywhere, and Ivan seems to have numerous broken bones and countless scratches and scrapes. However, to everyone's surprise, he gets up without any trouble.

The horrified passengers ask him if he's okay, and he says:

"It's alright. I've dealt with many hard ships in my life."