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Thứ Ba, 5 tháng 5, 2015

An 86 year old man goes to the doctor with a perplexing issue...

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the man said, >Things are great and I've never felt better.

I now have a 20 year old bride who is pregnant with my child.
So what do you think about that Doc?

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.

I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.

As he neared a lake, he came across a very large male beaver siting at the water’s edge...

He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it right at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang bang'.

Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.

Now what do you think about that?

asked the doctor.

The 86 year-old said,

Logic would strongly suggest that someone else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'

The doctor replied,

My point exactly.

How can you tell someone hates vegans, cross fitters, and atheists?

Don't worry, they'll repost a joke about it.

20 Prom Dates Everyone Will Recognize

Don’t even look at Trevor.

Kevin, who somehow ends up topless by the end of the night to "take you to the gun show."

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Janice, who refuses to go inside at the same time as you because she wants to make an entrance.

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Greg, who won't stop talking about how good the buffet is.

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Harriet, who keeps glaring at everyone else's outfits to see if they're cuter than hers.

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26 Feelings All Cat Owners Can Relate To

“Does my cat want to kill me?”

When you're pretty sure you love your cat more than your cat loves you.

When you're pretty sure you love your cat more than your cat loves you.

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The burst of happiness whenever your cat decides to show you the smallest amount of love.

The burst of happiness whenever your cat decides to show you the smallest amount of love.

"OMG He did a little wee in a heart shape just for me!"

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When you're desperate to take a selfie but Fluffy just isn't feeling it.

When you're desperate to take a selfie but Fluffy just isn't feeling it.

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The fear that any exposed limb could be attacked at any moment.

The fear that any exposed limb could be attacked at any moment.

Twitter: @FloPerry


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I was arrested for killing a black man

and charged with impersonating an officer

Riding In Britney Spears' Uber Was The Most Iconic Moment Of My Life

I’m so lucky, I felt like a star.

At exactly 1:01 p.m. on May 3, 2015, living legend Miss Britney Spears took time away from stimulating the economy to announce that her new single "Pretty Girls" would be playing exclusively in decked-out Britney Ubers at 3:00 p.m.

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At first, I was like, "Yo Brinny, you got some Pepsi drips on ya shirt..."

At first, I was like, "Yo Brinny, you got some Pepsi drips on ya shirt..."

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...but then it all processed and I was like, "HOLY SHIT I HAVE ONE HOUR AND FIFTY-NINE MINUTES TO PREPARE MYSELF FOR THE MOST ICONIC MOMENT OF MY LIFE."

...but then it all processed and I was like, "HOLY SHIT I HAVE ONE HOUR AND FIFTY-NINE MINUTES TO PREPARE MYSELF FOR THE MOST ICONIC MOMENT OF MY LIFE."

Stressed AF.

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As a dedicated missionar-ney of the Holy Spearit, I immediately canceled my beach plans with an irrelevant friend to make way for the Uber.

As a dedicated missionar-ney of the Holy Spearit, I immediately canceled my beach plans with an irrelevant friend to make way for the Uber.

Christian Zamora / BuzzFeed


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Can You Guess The Pop Song By These Emojis?

You definitely can!