FunnyStory about animals and all around the world
Funny Video about animals and all around the world! :)
Funny picture about animals and all around the world :)
Play game and comfortable :)
Go to Blogger edit html and find these sentences.Now replace these sentences with your own descriptions.
... at 3 in the morning and tells the officer on duty, "I'd like to have a word with that son of a bitch you'll arrested who broke into our house last week."
Sensing trouble, the officer informs him that this is against police policy and would not be possible.
"You don't understand," says the man. "I'd just like to find out how he managed to get into the house without waking up my wife."
Little 8 year old Susie is in her back yard digging a hole. Her neighbor Mr. Johnson peeks over the fence and says "gee Susie, what's going on?"
Susie says "I'm digging a hole, it's pretty obvious."
Mr. Johnson asks "why are you digging a hole?"
Susie replies "I'm burying my gold fish."
Mr Johnson laughs and asks "Why is the hole so big?"
Susie replies "Because my goldfish is inside your fucking cat".
... And sits down and calls the bartender over. He says "If I show you the neatest thing you've ever seen, will you give me a free beer?" The bartender, thinking, he's seen everything, takes the man up on the offer. The man pulls the lid off the box and inside is a little man, jamming away at a piano. "He plays Bach, Mozart, you name it" the man says, as the bartender looks on.
"So, how'd you get your hands on him?" The bartender asks.
"With this lamp. Rub it and you'll be granted one wish" The man pulls a lamp out of his pocket and passes it to the bartender. The bartender rubs it and says, "I'd like a million bucks". POOF, there are ducks everywhere, flying around and shitting on everything. "Why didn't you tell me your genie was defective?" he yells.
"Yeah, well, I didn't ask for a 12 inch pianist either."
EDIT: words.
One of the large bags had a hole at the bottom and $20 bills were pouring out of it. This made the officer suspicious so he decided to investigate.
He stops the man and asks him "Where did you get that money?"
The man says, "I know it looks very strange, so let me explain. There's a spot near the stadium where people can get a good view inside without paying. So naturally they all go there whenever there's a football game. My house is right next to that spot, and a lot of them get drunk and they like to pee in my hedges. I got fed up with that, so whenever there's a game going on I hide in the hedges with a hedge clipper and wait for them to come up to take a piss. As soon as they stick it in the bushes to relieve themselves, I bring the clippers up to their wieners and say '$20 bucks or it's coming off!'"
The police officer laughs and says "That's pretty smart. But what's in the other bag then?"
The man says "Well, not all of them pay"
A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.
“You have so much to live for,” said the man. “I’m a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy.”
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted.
That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
“What are you doing here?” asked the captain.
“I have an arrangement with one of the sailors,” she replied. “He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy .”
“I see,” the captain says.
Her conscience got the best of her and she added, “Plus, he’s screwing me.”
“He certainly is,” replied the captain.
“This is the Staten Island Ferry.”