A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"

Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we have no bread." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, we haven't got any fucking bread." Duck says: "Got any bread?" Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any fucking bread, ask me again and I'll nail your fucking beak to the bar you irritating bastard of a bird!" Duck says: "Got any nails?" Barman says: "No" Duck says: "Got any bread?...

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What did Mario say when he found out he got drunk and had sex with a green mushroom?

"Well, I fucked that one up."...

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I don't see why people are outraged when Donald Trump says if Ivanka wasn't his daughter, he'd be dating her.

After all, if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I'd date her too....

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I got caught sniffing underwear...

I got caught sniffing my friend's sister's underwear the other day, What made it worse was she was still wearing them, Made the rest of her funeral really awkward....

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Benny and the Magic Urn

Once upon a time there was a man named Benny. Benny was a simple man with simple tallents and simple desires. He was a quiet fellow who loved to walk the beach when he had some time to spare. He was the kind of guy you wouldn't mind having a drink with, but anything more might be tedious. One day, as Benny was walking the beach, he stumbled over a small black jar-shaped object. Benny curiously picked it up and began to brush off the sand. Woosh Benny winced as sand flew into his eyes, blinding him temporarily. By the time he opened his eyes, a...

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An elephant in the circus

The ringmaster of a small circus decides to challenge the audience: "We'll pay 30 million dollars to whoever completes these 3 impossible tasks: make our elephant jump, sit down and talk!" Suddenly, a man from crowd stands up: "I can do that, but you have to turn off the lights!" A little puzzled, the ringmaster leads the man to the stage, brings the elephant and turns off the lights. When the lights are off, the man brutally kicks the elephant's balls and ask the ringmaster to turn on the lights. The elephant is jumping out of pain. There came...

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How We Learned to Stop Hating Big Oil

How We Learned to Stop Hating Big Oil After half a century, conspiracy theorists are going to have to find a new bogeyman. June 5, 2016 at 10:04PM via Digg http://ift.tt/1r4hV...

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