He was having a midlife crisis
Thứ Ba, 19 tháng 6, 2018
A Butcher Tries Shooing a dog but sees it has a $10 Bill in its mouth with a note, "5 lamb chops, please."
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop,he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth,and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus.
The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell, then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself against the door *thud*. He does this again *thud* and again *thud*. No answer. The dog jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog. The butcher runs up and screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!" The owner responds, "Genius, my ass, It's the second time this week he's forgotten his keys!"
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.
Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.
'I would like it *infrequently\*' she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered - 'Is that one word or two?'
Teaches asks Jimmy, "What's wrong?"
Jimmy :- Our house is very small. Me, my mom and my dad sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, 'Jimmy, are you asleep?'
I say "No" & he slaps my face & gives me a Black eye.
Teacher:- Tonight, when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet & don't answer.
The following morning Jimmy comes back with a severe black eye again.
Teacher:- My goodness why the black eye again? Jimmy:- Dad asked me if I was asleep. I shut up & kept dead still. Then my mom and dad started moving at the same time. Mom was breathing erratically, kicking her legs up frantically & squealing like a hyena on the bed. Then my dad asked my mom, "Are you coming?" Mom said, "Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?" Dad answered:- Yes.
Well, they don't usually go anywhere without me so I said, "Wait for me, I'm coming too".
A guy was walking down the street when he sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey, miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?"
"Are you nuts?" she replies and walks away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000?" he asks again. "Listen, sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"
So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts... just once for $10,000?" So the woman thinks about this for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000?" She thinks a bit "OK, but just once, and not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go to the alley and she takes off... her blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as the guy sees them, he jumps on them and starts caressing them, fondling them, kissing them, burying his face in them... but not biting them. Finally, the woman gets all annoyed and says,
"Are you gonna bite them or what?"
"Nah," he replies. "Costs too much!"
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