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Go to Blogger edit html and find these sentences.Now replace these sentences with your own descriptions.

Thứ Hai, 9 tháng 7, 2018

A cop is sitting by the highway in his patrol car.

Suddenly, a Mercedes goes screaming past at twenty over the speed limit. The officer turns on the sirens and races after the speeder.

When its driver sees the police cruiser, the Mercedes pulls over without incident. The officer goes up to its window, expecting to find a rich kid out for a joyride. He’s surprised to find that the driver is a doddering old woman who can barely see over the steering wheel.

“Do you know how fast you were going?” asks the officer.

The old lady gives him a sweet smile. “Officer, I was just going the speed limit. I never went even a smidgen over eighty-four.”

The police officer scratches his head. “Eighty-four? The speed limit here is sixty!”

“Oh, but those lovely signs all up and down the interstate say we should be going 84! But no one else seems to follow them...”

The cop sighs. “Ma’am, that’s the interstate number. You’re on I-84, the speed limit’s on a different sign.”

The officer tells the old lady that she’s free to go, but as he’s turning back to his car he sees two other old women in the backseat. They look shellshocked, one gripping her armrest for dear life, and the other vacantly staring into the distance.

“Are your passengers all right?” asks the officer.

“Oh, don’t worry about them.” says the old lady. “They’ll be fine- we just got off the 205.”

Two blondes were driving to Disneyland

The sign said, "Disneyland left."

They started to cry and went home.

A vampire bat came flopping in from the night, covered in fresh blood, parked himself on the ceiling of a cave, and prepared to get some sleep.

Pretty soon, all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to piss off and go get some sleep.

But they persisted, until finally he gave in, grudgingly. “Ok,” he said, “follow me,” and he flew out of the cave with hundreds and hundreds of bats behind him. Down through the valley they went, across a river, into a forest of trees.

Finally, he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. “Now,” he said, “you see that tree over there?” “Yes, yes, yes!,” the bats all screamed in a frenzy. “Good!,” said the first bat. “Because I fucking didn’t.”

Steve Jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump...

But i shouldn't compare apples and oranges.

Screaming Waitress

I was drinking at a local bar last night when a waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?”

I shouted, “Hell, I know the whole alphabet.”

Everyone laughed… Well everyone except this one guy.

Chủ Nhật, 8 tháng 7, 2018

So I sent my friend 10 puns hoping that at least one of them would get a laugh out of him.

No pun in ten did.

My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.

She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.