A Jewish couple had been married for over 50 years

A Jewish couple had been married for over 50 years and had many children and grandchildren. One day, the eldest son calls his father for a normal chat and his father starts musing

“You know son, after 50 years, I’m not really in love with your mother any more. I’m thinking of getting a divorce and leaving her.”

The son is absolutely shocked and says “Dad, please don’t do anything rash. You love mom! You’ve had 50 wonderful years together. I’m going to call all of my siblings and we’re going to figure this out”.

Panicked, the son calls all of his siblings and asks them what they should do. All of the siblings agree that this situation needs some serious intervention and they all happened to be free in two weeks.

The son calls his father back and says “Dad, please hold out for two more weeks. All of my siblings and I will be home to talk some sense into you. You can’t just abandon this loving, amazing marriage.” His father considers it for a minute or so and says “Okay, but this is going to be tough. I’ll hold off on my decision.”

The son, relieved, hangs up after telling his father he loves him. The father walks quickly into the other room and says to his wife

“GREAT NEWS honey! All of the kids will be here for the holidays!”

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So Jesus decides to come back to earth...

He gets his friend Moses to come with him, and Moses tells him he should warm up doing miracles before he shows anyone. They rent a cabin on a lake out in the middle of nowhere.

The first day, Jesus takes a wine glass, fills it with water and turns it into wine! Moses is suitably impressed.

The second day, they go out on the lake and catch two fish, and Jesus multiplies them so they'll have plenty. Moses is, again, impressed.

The third day, Jesus decides to walk across the lake. He walks out, but pretty soon the water is up to his knees and he heads back.

"Why can't I walk on water, Moses?" he asked.

"I have no idea. Let's take a break and try again tomorrow."

The next day, Jesus wades out, and again he sinks. "I just can't understand it!" he cried.

"I still can't figure it our," said Moses. "We'll give it one more try tomorrow."

The next day, Jesus walked out into the lake again. "Why can't I walk on water anymore?"

Moses thinks for a moment, then asks, "Well...did you have the holes in your feet last time?"

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Girl if I had to rate you, I'd give you a 10

Oh the pH scale, because girl you are basic.

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A man walks into a brothel. NSFW

He goes to the first floor to find a sign that says "slow fucks"

Then he goes to the second floor to find another sign that says "fast fucks"

When he reached the third floor he found a paper on the ground he bend over to pick it up, only to find someone fucking him,he reads the paper, it said "surprise fucks".

Note :Egypt translated joke, sorry for any wrong grammar.

Edit :word changes

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Two engineers meet each other on their way into work ]

One of them has a new bike, and the other one asks where he got it. "Well," the first one says, "it's the funniest story. A beautiful woman rode up to me, threw down the bike, ripped off her clothes, and said 'Take what you want.'" "Good choice," said the other engineer, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

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I was raised as an only child

which really annoyed my sister

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My girlfriend yelled at me because I apparently treat her like a child.

So I gave her a sticker for standing up for herself.

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