Dude 2: “Brochure.”
Thứ Ba, 9 tháng 7, 2019
A husband and wife were having dinner...
...at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and asks, "Who the hell was that?"
The husband answers "Oh, she's my mistress."
The wife angrily says, "Well, that's the last straw, I've had enough, and I want a divorce."
He replies, "I can understand that but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Rolls Royce’s and Ferrari's in the garage, and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm and the wife asks, "Who's that woman with Jim?"
The husband tells her, "That's his mistress."
The wife says, "Well, ours is prettier."…
Whats the difference between running in front of a car and running after a car?
When you run after the car, you get exhausted. If you run in front of it, you'll get tired.
A Class Riot at Brooklyn’s Grace Church School
A Class Riot at Brooklyn’s Grace Church School
What happened when Brooklyn's oldest nursery school decided to become less old-fashioned? A riot among the one percent.
July 8, 2019 at 08:15PM
via Digg https://ift.tt/32gAHin
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.
A LONG ONE( but worth it): One wet, cold morning...
A bus driver was just starting along his route. It was still dark and raining and the temperature hovered just above freezing.
As he approached the first stop on his route he could see some poor soul laying on the bench. He stopped the bus, opened the doors and called out to the soaking wet person laying there.
"Hey, buddy!" The guy sat up and looked as wet and cold as he was drunk. "Hey fella, get outta the rain and on the bus."
"I can't", mumbled the drunk, "I don't haff any money."
"Nevermind that, get on the bus", said the driver kindly. So the drunk staggers up the steps and plonks down in the seat across from the driver. He looked so bedraggled and sad that the driver wanted to make him feel at least a little bit happier.
So he says to the drunk, "Hey, buddy, hey watch this!"
He stops the bus and a sour-looking older woman gets on, shaking her umbrella. She deposits her fare, and as she goes past the driver, he says, "Tickle your c#nt with a feather?"
The woman wheels around, "What did you say?!!"
The driver answers, "Typical country weather....Don't you agree?"
The woman is red-faced and embarrassed at what she thought she heard and mumbles yes, she agrees and sits herself well down the back.
The drunk is smiling a bit, so the driver knows its having a positive effect. "Watch this one", he says.
Sure enough, at the next stop another woman gets on. She looks like she's never cracked a smile in her life. As she drops in her fare and starts to move past the driver, he mumbles, "Tickle your snatch with a feather?"
The woman gasps and says,"I beg your pardon?!!"
To which the driver answers, "I said typical nasty weather."
The woman is completely shaken and apologises and agrees, yes the weather is atrocious. Then hurries to her seat.
Now the drunk is chuckling quite freely.
The driver leans over and says to the drunk, "Why don't you do the next one?"
The drunk shakes his head, "No, I'm too dr-dr-drunk." "Nah", says the driver, "you do this one."
So as the bus stops, the drunk pulls himself up straight in the seat, smooths his clothes out and stares straight ahead. His face is a study in concentration. As the lady pays her fare and begins to pass by the drunk, he says in a clear, strong voice, "SCRATCH YER C#NT WITH A STICK?"
The woman, absolutely shocked, turns to the drunk and says, "WHAT did you say to me?!!"
"F#ckin' cold, eh?!"
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