A hellocopter
Thứ Hai, 22 tháng 6, 2020
A girl once said about me "He's the one!"
Granted I would have preferred she didn't say it in a police lineup. But you have to take what you get.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says, “Ugh! That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”
The woman stalks off to the rear of the bus and sits down. She turns to the man sitting next to her and says, “the driver just insulted me!”
The man says, “You go and give him a telling off. I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Chủ Nhật, 21 tháng 6, 2020
An American and an Englishman are about to be executed
The American is put before the executioner and is asked: "What are your final 3 wishes ?"
The American replies: "My first wish is to smoke one last cigarette"
They bring him one last cigarette, he somkes it and the executioner asks him: "Your 2nd wish ?"
American: "To drink one last shot of wiskey before I die"
They bring him one shot of wiskey, he drinks it and the executioner asks: "And your final wish ?"
American: "I wish I was burried near George Washington"
So he is executed an burried near Washington.
Then comes the Englishman's turn.
When asked about his first wish he replies: "I want to skate on that lake over there".
Executioner: "But it's not frozen."
Englishman: "No problem. We'll wait until it freezez!"
They waited until winter came, the lake froze and the Englishman skated on it.
Executioner: "Your 2nd wish ?"
Englishman: "To swim in the lake"
Executioner: "But now it's frozen"
Englishman: "No problem. We'll just wait until it defrozez"
They waited until summer came, the lake unfroze and the Englishman swam in it.
Executionar: "And your final wish ?"
Englishman: "To be burried near Queen Elizabeth II"
Executioner: "But she's not dead."
Englishman: "No problem. We'll just wait until she dies!"
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