is because they are too heavy to be carried to the British Museum
Thứ Bảy, 3 tháng 7, 2021
A Catholic priest, a Buddhist Monk and an Atheist walk into a bar
After they put in their orders, the three strike up a conversation about what they believe awaits them in the afterlife.
The priest says, "I try to live my life according to God's word, so that I may go to the good Lord in heaven and live in paradise for all of eternity. I do not curse, I forgive freely, and I pray continually However, I know I am a sinner at heart, and I deserve to burn in hell like the rest of us."
The atheist replies, "Don't worry, that's probably bullshit. There is nothing waiting for us after death, only the void and nothingness. That's why I try to live my life to the fullest."
The two of them ask the monk, who had been silent up to that point, what he believed. The monk started, "Well, I certainly won't be seeing the afterlife anytime soon. I have lived a bad life, however, I am trying to earn enough good karma to reincarnate into a better life. If I earn enough good karma, then maybe I can eventually go to the afterlife." "Well how are you supposed to do that?" asked the atheist.
Just then, the group is interrupted by the waitress with their meals. For the priest, there is a meal of bread and wine. For the atheist, a hearty plate of ribs sits in front of him. For the monk, there is nothing but a slice of cake on his plate.
In response to two puzzled looks, the monk quickly says, "There's no easier way to earn karma than to have a cake day."
P.S - got a bit late with this one. My Cake Day already ended in a few timezones.
Cute little blonde girl, five years old goes into the pet shop. “I want a bunny wabbit”, she says in her enchanting little voice.
“I have a lot”, says the shop keeper. “Do you want a little bunny rabbit or a bigger bunny rabbit?”
“I want a bigger bunny wabbit”, she says with a sweet smile.
“Okay, do you want it white, brown or black and white?”
Little girl shakes her head and says, “I don’t fink my python gives a fuck.”
My friend got really mad when he caught me sniffing his sister’s underwear.
I don't know if it was because she was still wearing them or that the rest of the family was watching. Either way, the funeral got very awkward after that.
My girlfriends name is Wendy and I had it tattooed on my penis (NSFW)
My girlfriends name is Wendy and I had it tattooed on my penis.
When it’s flaccid you can only see WY.
On a trip to the Caribbean I went to the bathroom and was standing at the trough next to a local.
I briefly gazed down and saw that he too had WY tattooed on his penis.
I asked him if his girlfriends name was also Wendy.
He said ‘No. When I am aroused it says “Welcome to Jamaica- Have a nice day” ‘.
A teenage boy sought sexual advice from his grandfather.
He has a pretty friendly relationship with his grandfather. So one day he asked him about the frequency of sexual activity among couples of different ages.
His grandfather replied, "Oh you know, when young couples got married, they are usually crazy about sex! They have sex almost everyday and sometimes multiple times in a day for first few months of marriage. But as time passes they become less crazy about it. After few months they have sex 3-4 times in a week. As couple grow older the sexual drive decreases too. In their thirties they usually have sex 2-3 times in a week. In their forties they usually have sex once a week. In fifties sex becomes rarer, usually they have sex 1-2 times in a month. After sixty, sex becomes a luxury, they save it for special occasion like anniversary!"
Then the boy asked, "Grandpa, both you and grandma passed 70 long ago, right? So how is your sex life now?"
Grandpa answered, "Oh boy! we are too old for conventional sex now! At this point we only set for oral!"
After hesitating a bit the boy asked, "you mean you suck each other private parts?"
Grandfather replied, "Oh no! We are too old for that! Now each night before sleep I told your grandmother "FUCK YOU" and she told me "FUCK YOU TOO"!
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