A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect, the couple got on very well.

One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, "Very quick!"

The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked these questions: LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"

POLE: "An acre and half, and a nice 3 bedroom house."

LAWYER: "No, I mean what is the foundation of the case?"

POLE: "It is made of concrete, bricks & mortar."

LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"

POLE: "No, we have a carport and don’t need a grudge."

LAWYER: "I mean, what are your relations like?"

POLE: "All my relations live in Poland."

LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

POLE: "Yes, we have hi-fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound."

LAWYER: "No, I mean does your wife beat you up?"

POLE: "No, I’m always up before her."

LAWYER: "Why do you want this divorce?"

POLE: "She going to kill me!"

LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"

POLE: "I got proof."

LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"

POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy bottle at drug store and I read label. It say Polish Remover."