This is how bad the economy is:

-My neighbour got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

-Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can’t afford batteries.

-CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

-Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

-A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

-If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

-McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

-Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

-Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.

-A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

-A picture is now only worth 200 words.

-When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

-The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

And, finally….

• I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.