This is how bad the economy is:

• My neighbour got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
  
• Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can not afford batteries.
  
• CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
  
• Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
  
• A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
  
• If the bank returns your check marked ‟Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
  
• McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
  
• Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
  
• Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
  
• A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
  
• A picture is now only worth 200 words.
  
• When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
  
• The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
  

And, finally….
* I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc.., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call centre in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.