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Thứ Hai, 29 tháng 2, 2016

Kesha Thanked Lady Gaga And Joe Biden For Speaking Out Against Sexual Assault At The Oscars

“It hit very close to my heart for obvious reasons.”

Kesha thanked Lady Gaga and Joe Biden on Sunday night after they used the Oscar stage to speak out against sexual assault.

Kesha thanked Lady Gaga and Joe Biden on Sunday night after they used the Oscar stage to speak out against sexual assault.

Kesha / instagram.com

"Thank u @LadyGaga and VP @JoeBiden for bringing attention to sexual assault at the Oscars," Kesha wrote on Twitter. "It hit very close to my heart for obvious reasons."

"Thank u @LadyGaga and VP @JoeBiden for bringing attention to sexual assault at the Oscars," Kesha wrote on Twitter. "It hit very close to my heart for obvious reasons."

Twitter / Twitter: @KeshaRose

Kesha praised Lady Gaga for her emotional performance of her Academy Award–nominated song, "Til It Happens to You."

Kesha praised Lady Gaga for her emotional performance of her Academy Award–nominated song, "Til It Happens to You."

The song was written for the documentary The Hunting Ground, which deals with the issue of sexual assault on university campuses.

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

Gaga's performance was introduced by Vice President Joe Biden, who took the opportunity to speak out against sexual assault.

Gaga's performance was introduced by Vice President Joe Biden, who took the opportunity to speak out against sexual assault.

ABC / chatnoirs-baton.tumblr.com


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Dear Sam Smith, Other Openly Gay People Have Won An Oscar

But still, congratulations!

Sam Smith won an Oscar tonight!

Sam Smith won an Oscar tonight!

For his song, "Writing's on the Wall" with Jimmy Napes.
.

Christopher Polk / Getty Images

In his speech, Sam referenced a quote from Sir Ian McKellan who told The Guardian, "No openly gay man has ever won the Oscar; I wonder if that is prejudice or chance." But Ian was actually referring to the Best Actor category.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Twitter: @ira


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This Is How Everyone Reacted To Sam Smith Winning The Oscar Over Lady Gaga

The shock of the evening.

At tonight's Oscars, Lady Gaga was widely tipped to win Best Original Song with Diane Warren for "Til It Happens to You."

At tonight's Oscars, Lady Gaga was widely tipped to win Best Original Song with Diane Warren for "Til It Happens to You."

Mark Ralston / AFP / Getty Images

And then it seemed like a sure thing when she gave a powerhouse performance that brought people to tears.

And then it seemed like a sure thing when she gave a powerhouse performance that brought people to tears.

Mark Ralston / AFP / Getty Images

But then... Jimmy Napes and Sam Smith ended up winning for "Writing's on the Wall."

But then... Jimmy Napes and Sam Smith ended up winning for "Writing's on the Wall."

Mark Ralston / AFP / Getty Images

(Sorry.)

(Sorry.)

Twitter: @edwardmontal


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How Well Do You Remember The Lyrics To "7 Things" By Miley Cyrus?

♫ If you text it, I’ll delete it. ♫


24 Things Every Emo Girl Did 10 Years Ago

Only read this if you were hxc.

You owned at least ONE thing that had your undead crush Jack Skellington on it.

You owned at least ONE thing that had your undead crush Jack Skellington on it.

kdscreations / instagram.com

You spent hours coming up with an alliterative screen name that showed how dark and tortured you were.

You spent hours coming up with an alliterative screen name that showed how dark and tortured you were.

AOL / Farrah Penn for BuzzFeed

You used an actual camera to capture your perfect scene bangs for your Myspace profile pic.

You used an actual camera to capture your perfect scene bangs for your Myspace profile pic.

lindasee / instagram.com

Your favorite after school activity (after concerts, duh) was impromptu bathroom photoshoots with your girls.

Your favorite after school activity (after concerts, duh) was impromptu bathroom photoshoots with your girls.

emiliathewicked / instagram.com


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The Wiggles' Original Lineup Reunited For Charity And Were Perfect

It was a wonderfully wiggly show!

This year marks the 25th anniversary of The Wiggles, and to celebrate, the OGs — Greg (Yellow), Anthony (Blue), Murray (Red), and Jeff (Purple) — reunited for a no-kids-allowed show on Friday night.

This year marks the 25th anniversary of The Wiggles, and to celebrate, the OGs — Greg (Yellow), Anthony (Blue), Murray (Red), and Jeff (Purple) — reunited for a no-kids-allowed show on Friday night.

instagram.com

Hundreds of fans attended the first original Wiggles' show in four years at Sydney's Dee Why RSL, where they enthusiastically sang "Can You Point (Your Fingers and Do the Twist?)"...

Instagram: @anthony_wiggle

..."Rockabye Your Bear"...

Instagram: @tailsnxt

And "Big Red Car."

instagram.com


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Are You A Former Emo?

Admit It!!!


A Crazy Conspiracy Theory Alleges Katy Perry Is Actually JonBenét Ramsey

BRB, logging out of the internet forever.

There's a truly wild YouTube video from 2014 going viral that alleges pop star Katy Perry is ACTUALLY murder victim JonBenét Ramsey:

youtube.com

John Shearer / Getty Images

Globe Photos/ZUMAPRESS.com


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Adorable Stray Dogs Are Being Trained To Be Ball Dogs For Tennis Matches

Ball dogs > Any humans.

Four Brazilian stray dogs were given a new lease on life when they were trained to be "ball dogs" for the Brazil Open.

Four Brazilian stray dogs were given a new lease on life when they were trained to be "ball dogs" for the Brazil Open.

Leandro Martins

The dogs, rescued from shelters in São Paolo, were trained up to take part in an exhibition tennis match on Thursday between Spain's Roberto Carballes Baena and Portugal's Gastao Elias.

The dogs, rescued from shelters in São Paolo, were trained up to take part in an exhibition tennis match on Thursday between Spain's Roberto Carballes Baena and Portugal's Gastao Elias.

Leandro Martins

The four dogs, Frida, Mel, Isabelle, and Costela, served as an example that stray dogs could be trained when given love and attention.

The four dogs, Frida, Mel, Isabelle, and Costela, served as an example that stray dogs could be trained when given love and attention.

Leandro Martins

"We want to show that abandoned dogs can be adopted and trained," Andrea Beckert, a trainer from the Association of Animal Wellbeing, told CNN. "After all, it's not easy to get a dog to only pick up the lost balls, and then to give them up!"

"We want to show that abandoned dogs can be adopted and trained," Andrea Beckert, a trainer from the Association of Animal Wellbeing, told CNN. "After all, it's not easy to get a dog to only pick up the lost balls, and then to give them up!"

Leandro Martins


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19 Adorable Dogs Who Will Make Your Instagram A Better Place

Because your Instagram could always use more dogs.

Toby the Chow Chow (@tobypuff)

This Instagram features videos of Toby the 1-year-old chow chow running with his tiny fluffy legs.

Instagram: @tobypuff

Sid the Beagle (@myregalbeagle)

Just a lot of pictures of Sid with food in his mouth looking really happy, i.e. literally being you.

Instagram: @myregalbeagle

Akira, Blaze, Shiloh, and Phènix the Huskies (@husky_quartet)

All "squad goals" other than this are meaningless in comparison. Features them splashing about in the sea as a beautiful, furry family.

Instagram: @husky_quartet

Maru the Shiba Inu (@marutaro)

Maru resides in Japan with his owner, Shinjiro Ono, and has over 2.4million Instagram followers, which is understandable because he looks like literally the most chill dog in the world.

Instagram: @marutaro


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John Cena wakes up from coma

Cena: Where am I?
Nurse: I C U
Cena: No you don't

A prisoner escaped..

And snuck inside a house nearby.

The prisoner found a young couple in bed and held them hostage, the woman was tied in a chair and the man was tied on the bed post.

The prisoner walked up to the woman and kissed her in the neck afterwards he went to the bathroom.

The man said to the woman "that guy is an escapee from the prison nearby, he's been in prison for such a long time that he's so thirsty for sex. I can tell it from the way he kissed your neck. No matter what happens let him do whatever he wants or else he will kill us! Be strong honey, i love you!"

Then the woman replied..

"He didn't kiss me honey, he whispered to me that he thinks you're cute and asked me if we have some lubricant. I told him that we have some in the bathroom. Be strong honey, i love you!"

A mummy calls a restauraunt.

  • Hello, I'd like to reserve a table for the pharaoh Sakhrakhotep I.
  • Could you spell it out, please?
  • Of course. Bird, two triangles, wavy line, the sun, bird again, jackal's head and a scarab.

I like my women how I like my milk...

Rich, white, and 2% fat

Boxed In

There was a young girl from Peru

Who filled her vagina with glue.

She said with a grin,

“If they pay to get in,

They’ll pay to get out of it, too.”

I was at the doctors office the other day...

So I was at the doctor's office and he decided to prescribe a drug for an illness. But when he reached into his pocket to grab a pen so he could write the prescription, he instead pulled out a thermometer. He looked at it, then turned to me and said "Great, some asshole's got my pen."

I want a divorce

A judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and asks, "What are the grounds for your divorce?" "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by." "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," she responded. "I mean," he continued, "what are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well as my husband's parents." The judge took a deep breath and asked, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No,we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one cuz we don't have a car." "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music - all that hip hop and rap tap - but we can't seem to do anything about it." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee." The judge asked, "Is your husband a nagger?" "Oh, hell no, he's as white as you and me!" Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why in hell do you want a divorce? "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce, my husband does. The damn fool says he can't communicate with me."

Lost my watch at a party...

Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl.

not on my watch.

What It’s Really Like to Risk It All in Silicon Valley


What It’s Really Like to Risk It All in Silicon Valley
Before Nathalie Miller decided to walk away from Instacart, she made a spreadsheet to analyze how much money she was leaving on the table. She did it anyway. Six months later, she discovered she was pregnant with her first child.

February 29, 2016 at 02:02AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/1oP1kqG

Pickle Slicer

A guy comes home from work and tells his wife that he was fired. Wife asks why? Husband says he got caught sticking his dick in the pickle slicer. Wife panicked - asked to look at his penis. Penis looked good, didn't have a cut on it. Puzzled, the wife asks, 'What happened to the pickle slicer?'

The husband looks up and says, 'She got fired as well'.

I want to repaint my room a shade of white...

...but I can't decide between "eggshell", "beige", or "2016 Oscars".

What do a thong and Donald Trump's toupee have in common?

They both barely cover an asshole.

"I'm Bill Gates, today I'll teach you how to count to 10"

1, 2, 3, NT, 95, 98, 2000, Me, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10

Robert Khardasian was OJ Simpson's lawyer

And thus began the family tradition of getting black men off.

A Vet Rocked A Puppy Like A Baby To Comfort Her After Surgery

I’m not crying. You’re crying.

This video of a shelter puppy being comforted after coming out of surgery is going viral — and it's almost too sweet for words:

View Video ›

"Baby Meesha was coming off her anesthesia and was a little scared because her body felt so weird," the Baltimore Animal Rescue and Care Shelter wrote on Facebook, where the video was first posted. "BARCS Surgical Assistant Dennis Moses took her out into the quiet hallway to comfort her. One of our awesome volunteers just happened to be walking by to capture this sweet moment."

Facebook: video.php

In the video, Meesha, a pit bull mix puppy, whimpers as Moses rocks her gently. He sings to her and kisses her head.

In the video, Meesha, a pit bull mix puppy, whimpers as Moses rocks her gently. He sings to her and kisses her head.

When asked what song he sang to Meesha, Moses told The Dodo he chose "Ten Little Froggies."

"It's like a little kids' song I used to sing to my sister," he said.

BARCS Animal Shelter / Via Facebook: BARCSbaltimore

Meesha has since been adopted by a family in Maryland, and has been renamed Maddie.

View Video ›

facebook.com

“They signed her adoption papers right away, because of how sweet and gentle Meesha was with their 11-month-old daughter,” Baily Deacon, BARCS’ Director of Communication, told Inside Edition.

View Video ›

facebook.com


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A good zinger that my friend carpenter used on a doctor

So this Dr hired my friend (who's a carpenter) to do some work around the house, the doc was curiously looking over my friends shoulder as he was putting a piece of molding to cover his uneven cut. The doc said with a cavalier attitude "that's an easy way to hide your mistakes!" and without thinking, my friend replied "yeah, to hide my mistakes I don't need 6 feet of soil!"

A Televangelist, a Rabbi and a Hindu were traveling together

They came across a farm and asked to spend the night there. The farmer said, “I only have room for two, someone will have to sleep in the barn.”

The Hindu volunteered. Moments later, there was a knock on the door. The Hindu said, “There is a cow in the barn. I can’t sleep on holy ground.”

“I will go” said the Rabbi. Moments later there was a knock on the door. “I can’t sleep with a pig, pigs are unkosher.”

So the Televangelist is sent out to the barn. Moments later, there was a knock on the door.

It was the pig and the cow.

What's the difference between a pizza and a pizza joke?

Pizza jokes can't be topped!

:D

Chủ Nhật, 28 tháng 2, 2016

What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?

Both say Please insert Bill.

My girlfriend and I had a fight and she asked me for distance and time,

But for the life of me, i cant figure out why she wants to calculate velocity

A man goes to a job interview...

Interviewer: "What's your greatest weakness?"

Man: "Probably my honesty."

Interviewer: "I don't think that's a weakness."

Man: "I don't give a fuck what you think."

Why do Jamaican philosophers shit together?

Because they discuss tings.

Should English be the only official language of the EU?

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

When's the best time to come out of the closet?

When the coast is queer.

A wife is good for seventy things,

cleaning, and 69.

Archeologists in South Africa have just discoved what they think is the oldest tampon ever found

They are trying to find out what period it came from

Why do Canadians prefer their jokes in hexidecimal?

Because 7 8 9 A

Why does Bernie Sanders write in lowercase letters?

Because he hates capitalism.

Three guys are stuck on an island full of cannibals...

The cabinnals capture them unless they each bring back ten fruit.

The first comes back with ten bananas. The Tribe Leader tells him that they will shove the bananas up his ass, and if he laughs or winces he gets eaten. He gets the ten bananas shoved up his ass, but he cries out and is sent to "Cannibal Death Row".

The second guy comes back ten berries. The Tribe Leader tells him that they will shove the berries up his ass and if he laughs or winces, he gets eaten. The man, as the sixth berry comes in, starts laughing.

The man is sent to say goodbye to his friend before they both get eaten. "Dude, why'd you laugh? Yours was easy."

"I couldn't help it, I saw Dave coming back with ten watermelons."

What does Bill say to Hillary after sex?

Honey I'll be home in 20 minutes.

For her birthday, I bought my wife a pair of shoes and a vibrator.

If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself.

How to Prosecute an Internet Troll — MEL Magazine


How to Prosecute an Internet Troll — MEL Magazine
On May 3, 2015, two men dressed in body armor and armed with assault rifles approached the Culwell Event Center in the Dallas suburb of Garland, Texas where 200 people had gathered for a Prophet Muhammed Art Exhibit and Cartoon Contest. A month later, Australi Witness posted a statement, claiming credit. But who was he?

February 28, 2016 at 12:58AM
via Digg http://ift.tt/21qdSWw

When I get naked in the bathroom..

The shower usually gets turned on.

How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

Apparently not four as my basement is still dark

Religion is like a penis

It's OK to be proud of yours, just don't try to shove it down your children's throat.

Confucius Say

Man who run behind car get exhausted

But man who run in front of car get tired.

How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?

None, he fell.

I'd like to thank my hands...

I'd like to thank my hands for always being at my side, my legs for supporting me through thick and thin, and my fingers... Because I can always count on them.

A Cuban, a Canadian, and a White Supremacist walks into a bar...

The bartender asks "What'll you have Senator Cruz?"

Thứ Bảy, 27 tháng 2, 2016

The Republican primary race should be called "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"

It's way too long, and the protagonists are becoming more juvenile as it goes on.

The Dying Man and the Cookies

An old man was on his death bed and had less than a day to live. As he lay there reflecting on his life, he smelled his favorite cookies in the kitchen. So using his last bit of will and effort, he dragged himself out of bed and crawled to the kitchen for a cookie. He sat down at the table and reached for one when his wife popped his hand with a wooden spoon: "Don't touch it! Those are for your funeral!"

A zoo was having a lot of trouble with a female gorilla

The gorilla was in heat, but they had no male to couple her with. As she was getting more violent and aggressive by the hour, they tried to contact other zoos for a male, but none were available in a short amount of time.

Desperate, the zoo director calls John the janitor into his office.

  • 'John, you've been with us for a long time, but today I have an unusual question for you. We can't calm this gorilla down and I'm afraid for the safety of the zoo. John, will you... ahem... screw this gorilla? For, say, 500 dollars?'

John seriously thinks about it for a while and then replies:

  • 'Sir, I will do it, but I have 3 conditions.'

  • 'Yeah John, of course, just name them!' says the relieved director.

  • 'First, this matter stays here in this office. I do this, nobody but you, me and the gorilla knows about it!'

  • 'Well absolutely John, it's only normal!'

  • 'Second, just so we're clear, I'll only screw the damn gorilla. No kissing, fondling or spooning!'

  • 'I think that will be enough John, of course!' the director smiles. 'What about the third condition?

  • 'Well...,' John is suddenly lowering his voice and looks down ashamed, 'I'll have to give you those 500 dollars at my next pay.'

The three unwritten rules of life

1.

2.

3.

What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?

Pimples don't come on boys faces till they hit 13

So there's an Irish family who live in the countryside (a bit of a long one here)

And the closest town is about a mile away. They make their money from a little bit of farming, but mostly from the milk that their cow produces.

So one day, the father wakes up and goes outside, and sees that the family cow has died. Stricken with grief, he kills himself on the spot. When his wife wakes up, she goes outside, sees her husband and the cow, and hangs herself from the barn rafters, unable to live without her true love.

Their oldest son wakes up a little later, and goes outside, sees his dead parents, and goes down to the river to cry a bit, out of sight of the whole scene of death. While at the river, a female leprechaun jumps out in front of him, and says "so, seems you're having a bad day."

He says, "Yes, that's true."

She says, "Well, I have a deal for you. Fuck me ten times in a row without stopping, and I'll bring both your parents back to life, plus the cow."

"That's great!" Says the lad, "But what happens if I fail?"

"I'll kill you," says she.

"Well, I have nothing to lose," says the lad, and they go about it, but he fails, and she kills him.

The second brother wakes up, sees his parents and the cow, and goes down to the river only to see his dead brother and the leprechaun. She gives him the same offer, and he tries but fails. She kills him too.

Finally, the last, youngest brother wakes up, goes outside, sees the carnage, and goes down to the river to cry. Upon arrival, he sees his brothers and the leprechaun. She gives him the same deal, adding that she will bring both his brothers back to life as well. All he has to do is fuck her 10 times in a row.

"That sounds great" he says, "But what if I fuck you 15 times?"

"Well, says the leprechaun, "I'll change your family's house into a mansion."

"And what about 20?" Says the lad.

"IF you could do that, I'd also throw in piles of gold, you'd be set for life. But sadly, I think it's impossible."

"Oh, it's possible," says the youngest boy, "But I have one worry. What about your own safety?"

"What do you mean?" Says the leprechaun.

"What's to keep you from dying from all that fucking?" Says the boy.

"Why on earth would you think I'd die from that?" Asks the leprechaun.

"Well," says the boy, "the cow did."

I asked my friend in North Korea how it was there.

He said he cant complain...

5 Jokes about Boiling Water

  1. Perhaps I shouldn't joke on here about boiling water, it might be too steamy.
  2. RIP Boiling Water. You will be mist.
  3. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
  4. What do you get when your pour boiling water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies
  5. One cannibal says to the other cannibal "hey I ate a missionary the other day and he gave me an upset stomach." The second cannibal says "That's too bad. How'd you cook him?" The first cannibal says "Oh, I threw him in the giant pot of boiling water like always." The second cannibal says "Makes sense. And what did he look like?" The first cannibal says "The usual. Brown robe, rope belt, sandals." And the second cannibal says "Well there's your problem. You boiled him, and he was a friar."

Bonus Related Joke: How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

A dad asks his son, "What has four legs but isn't alive?"

The son says,"Nice try dad, a chair!"

"Not this time son, our dog is dead"

A man asks, “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?”

God responded, ”So you would love her.” The man asks, “But God, why did you make her so dumb?” God replied, “So she would love you.”

Didn't Snoop Dogg change his name?

Or was Snoop Lyin'?

There once was a family of moles in their mole hole when one smelled something sweet...

The father mole stuck his head out of the mole hole and said "is that honey?" So the mother mole squeezed through the hole next to the father and smelled "that may be maple syrup! It smells so wonderful!" The baby mole, wanting to see what all the commotion was about, frustratingly couldn't fit between the father and mother mole. So he wailed " All I smell is molasses!"

What do you call a teacher that doesn't fart in public?

a private tooter.

A boy asks his dad, “What’s the difference between potential and realistic?

The dad tells him to go ask the rest of his family if they’d sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then he’d tell him the answer. The boy goes up to his mom and asks her. She responds, “A million dollars is a lot of money sweetheart. I could send you, your sister, and your brother to great colleges, so sure, I would!” He then goes and asks his sister to which she replies, “Brad Pitt? Hell ya, he’s the hottest guy ever!” Next, the boy asks his brother who replies, “A million dollars? Hell yes I would. I’d be rich!” When the boy excitedly returns to his dad with the family’s responses, the dad says, “Well son, potentially, we have three million dollars. Realistically, we have two sluts and a queer.”

Chapter One: Who is behind one of the biggest scams in history?


Chapter One: Who is behind one of the biggest scams in history?
It's one of the world's longest-running cons. Hundreds of millions of dollars stolen from some of the world's most vulnerable people — the sick, the elderly and the poor — who all thought they had found a savior in a mysterious woman named Maria Duval.

February 26, 2016 at 08:37PM
via Digg http://ift.tt/24rHuSu

What does a German call a party without Sausage and Cheese?

A Wurst-Käse Scenario

Excuse me,

I said to the woman sat in front of me on the bus, "You have some semen on the back of your jacket." "I'm sure it's not semen," she said, "It's probably yogurt." "It's definitely semen," I said, "I don't ejaculate yogurt."

Drake Belongs To Black Women

Maddie Meyer / Getty Images

Aubrey Drake Graham is the man who sends you a drink from across the bar and walks over right as you take the first sip, sidling up next to you to ask for the name of your lipstick shade. He can’t help it, really. The man is a simp of calculated, caricatural proportions. He’ll tell you the stain it leaves on your glass reminds him of the way the sun rises over Toronto, sanguine but delicate.

He’s used that line before. But you roll your eyes and catch yourself leaning in anyway. “It’s called ‘Diva’,” you hear yourself saying. “They told me this red is great on brown skin.”

He grins, a crooked smile-smirk that says, “I’m not going to ask if you’re a diva, but I’m thinking you are and I want you to know it.”

It’s almost seductive, the transparency of it all.

Drake makes no attempt to disguise his own marketing ploy; he’s engineered to seduce you. If Oscar Isaac is the internet’s boyfriend and Zayn Malik our “perpetual friend with benefits,” then Aubrey is the dweeb-y Friend’s Brother who’s been eyeing us since freshman year with minimal subtlety. And now, he’s the Degrassi graduate who got hot suddenly and knows it, newly dressed in the finest bravado money can buy. To write (or tweet or Instagram) lustfully about Drake feels like acquiescing to the same part of myself that buys “last-minute” items in the checkout line. His stock rom-com script is eye roll–worthy, but it’s still hot. In a word, it works.

Drake’s evolution into a sentient “no invite? ;)” text has played out in YouTube clips and GIFs seen ‘round the web. And the recipients of his most lit-up eyeball emojis are visibly, notably, and undeniably black women. It is, as Toronto native and esteemed Drake scholar Amani Bin Shikhan writes, “the intricacy with which diasporic hoods flirt and intermingle with each other” that creates Drake’s local context. Though the biracial rapper is undoubtedly Toronto's own, his blackness is so often (and so strangely) contested by the same white people whose ancestors birthed the One Drop Rule. And yet, unlike a certain fellow Scarborough native, he is most keen to publicly fan-girl over women who are wear-a-headscarf-at-night, hot-sauce-in-my-bag, dutty-wine black. From Nicki to Rihanna to Serena to every stripper in Houstatlantavegas, it’s black women who leave Drake in awe.

Roc Nation

“No woman ever had me starstruck,” he raps on “Charged Up,” the first of two diss tracks lobbed at Nicki Minaj’s beau Meek Mill over the course of an ugly late 2015 meme war. The line is curious, a blatant falsehood for which the internet rightly provided receipts. Indeed, powerful black women have always knocked the wind out of Drizzy’s hookah-filled lungs.

Most recently, The Boy served as the semi-erect backdrop of Rihanna’s double-feature “Work” music video. Nearing almost tantric stimulation, Drake feebly braces himself as the resplendent Rihanna wines pon di ting in the video’s steamier first half. Set in Toronto’s Real Jerk restaurant, the bashment scene recalls '90s/early aughts dancehall videos and the Bad Gal’s own early career “Pon de Replay” era. The Bajan artist is every bit in her element, bubbling in the mirror as her own reflection entrances her.

Aloof and deeply awkward, Drake is less dance partner and more dance wall. He marvels at Rihanna (who among us is immune?) for good reason. She is majestic, her hips hypnotic. He’s hardly a potential beau and more like a makeshift mirror, a prop whose function is to reflect back Rih’s kaleidoscopic hotness. And if Drake’s love interest in this video is Rihanna, then Rihanna’s is…also Rihanna. It is not hard to adore Rih, but it is damn near impossible to be her equal. It’s by no means the first time she’s reduced him to putty in her hands, and it won’t be the last. Rihanna makes Drake her pet video vixen, her sweatpants-clad mannequin. This is her show, and The Boy is a glorified extra.

That any man could have played Drake’s role in “Work” is evident, and Drake must know it, too. And yet, he continues to play along, grateful simply to bask in her glow. In the video, his function is decorative, ornamental. And lyrically, his verse on the track itself is limp, unmatched to Rih’s slow but steady patois lilts. “If you had a twin, I would still choose you” is a real thing he says. It is the perfect crystallization of Drake The Brand, a vaguely complimentary string of words that means little but still ostensibly highlights how Special(™) a woman is.

But Drake is still arguably the most powerful genre-bending artist in the current pop culture landscape, a sex symbol whose bulked-up, bearded ascent into Heartthrob Status came as a destabilizing surprise. RiRi included, the black women who bring him to his knees are beholden first and foremost to themselves, regarding his public affections with a sense of amusement. Because to be a black woman in the entertainment industry or elsewhere is to have to work twice as hard for that recognition. When men like Drake dish it out so generously, if also nauseatingly, it’s noteworthy despite its prickly bits.

Roc Nation

Nicki Minaj effectively broke Drake in the video for her 2014 single “Anaconda,” and the GIFs of her lap dance on (though not for) a disbelieving Drizzy traveled far and wide at lightning speed. It wasn’t the first time he’d publicized his puppy love for her, but it was the most comically relatable. In a video filmed at a corner store and uploaded that same month, Nicki smiles gleefully as Drake buys her “mad snacks.” He follows her around the bodega like a small animal, content to purchase any high fructose corn syrup–filled, sodium-laden item her heart desires. “Just throw it in the bag,” you can practically hear him thinking. It was meme fodder of the most delicious variety, the kind of video that both epitomized #RelationshipGoals and poked fun at its own conceit.

But if there is any woman who has made a proper power bottom out of Drake, it is the incomparable Serena Williams. When rumors of their coupling surfaced (again) last summer, Drake was spotted supporting Serena everywhere. On the tennis court. At the New York Fashion Week premiere of her HSN clothing line. She sat in his lap when they kissed at restaurants, but Aubrey was very much the lapdog. He smiled with negative chill, practically radiating disbelief that a woman of her stature would continue to entertain the overly enthusiastic Canadian ball boy following her around. The jokes wrote themselves.

Roc Nation

Still, their coupling held weight. Here was Drake publicly adoring a black woman who is so often compared to men, to horses, to any manner of insults. That Serena does not have the slender physique, thin features, or light skin of women like Rihanna and Beyoncé, whom even a casual racist might list as Hot Black Girls, is not insignificant. The details of their breakup notwithstanding, his public affection was yet another reminder that Drake loves him a black girl. Hard. Even when they’re not as keen on blowing those kisses right back.

To Erykah Badu, Aubrey is “a friend;” to Aubrey, Erykah is a sage. Aaliyah, whose face Drake has tattooed on his body, never knew he existed. Beyoncé knows Drake wishes she “was [his] pound cake.” Professional basketball player Skylar Diggins kissed Drizzy dutifully on the forehead after he read a love poem about her at the 2014 ESPYs. Zoe Kravitz’s name practically fell out of his mouth during an early Fader interview.

If you pay close enough attention, the idea that Drake is both the internet’s biggest dork and verified fuckboy is hardly surprising. Only the kind of man who would send “Lol you crazy, wyd” texts accompanied by the meme du jour could earnestly call himself “Champagne Papi.” Men like Drake, who send lengthy drunken voicemails when they inevitably fuck up, are a Molotov cocktail of unprocessed emotions and juuuuust enough charisma to keep you coming back. They wield their own sentimentality as a means to possession. Hip-hop has long served black women love at the same table as degradation, and Drake’s version is hardly new. To the extent that sexism in hip-hop has always been our problem, Drake’s particular kind of misogyny is, too.

That any man could have played Drake’s role in “Work” is evident, and Drake must know it, too.

But exhausting though his laser-focused attention may be, it is distinct. The women Drake names and pines after — dancers and students and waitresses who broke his heart — all have names like “Bernice and Yaris,” ethnicities like Ethiopian and Somali, and hometowns like Houston and Atlanta. They comprise a veritable patchwork of black womanhood, a cornucopia of objectification that Drizzy draws almost exclusively from the African diaspora. In a climate where rappers clamor for women whose phenotypes betray as little of their African features as possible, his unapologetic reverence is, if nothing else, mildly refreshing.

The spectacle of Drake’s public thirst is as much a story about black women’s power as it is a reflection on Champagne Papi himself. For black women, Drake’s appeal is in part informed by his function as a mirror, funhouse or otherwise. Here is a man who celebrates us and exclusively us, regardless of how meteoric his rise to fame and facial hair continues to be. The nature of that praise is complicated, but its impact feels undeniable.

We may not belong to him (or even want him), but The Boy is ours.


What New Song Should You Listen To On Repeat This Weekend?

Cheers to the freakin’ weekend!

BuzzFeed


16 Words That Have A Different Meaning For Classical Musicians

Can you Handel this list, or will you have to turn Bach?

Reception

Reception

What it usually means: A social occasion after a recital where one might congratulate the performer.
What it means to classical musicians: A free-for-all food frenzy that you feel you've earned after sitting through two hours of new music.

Twitter: @themusicalmuse

Accompanist

Accompanist

What it usually means: A person who provides musical accompaniment.
What it means to classical musicians: A person who deserves the utmost respect for saving your ass when you make mistakes and putting up with your general craziness.

matjhayes / instagram.com

Practice

Practice

What it usually means: Repeated exercise in a particular skill in order to become proficient.
What it means to classical musicians: The reason you spend 4-5 hours a day locked in a room, and also the reason you have no social life.

Twitter: @WriteMeADream

Exposure

Exposure

What it usually means: Being introduced or subjected to something.
What it means to classical musicians: What some people think it's OK to pay you in.

Twitter: @stickyalbums


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Here’s Definitive Proof That Drake Is Actually In Love With Everybody

Find someone who looks at you the way Drake looks at everyone.

And since the release of the new video for Rihanna's single "Work", many people have noticed that it's basically a 7-minute clip of Drake falling madly in love with her.

And since the release of the new video for Rihanna's single "Work", many people have noticed that it's basically a 7-minute clip of Drake falling madly in love with her.

Twitter: @stratfords_avon

Twitter: @itsmeagan

Twitter: @jodiesnowflake


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A Runaway "Unicorn" Led State Troopers On A Chase For Five Hours

“Please be advised the unicorn is in custody.”

This is Tatum Boos and her "unicorn" Juliet.

This is Tatum Boos and her "unicorn" Juliet.

wishtv.com

Okay, so Juliet isn't actually, technically, a unicorn – she just plays one in photos.

Okay, so Juliet isn't actually, technically, a unicorn – she just plays one in photos.

Sandra Boos Photography

Photographer Sandra Boos, of Madera Ranchos, California, got the pony for her five-year-old daughter Tatum a year ago, and often incorporates the dolled up white "unicorn" into her photo shoots.

On Wednesday, the 300-pound pony was decked out in her unicorn finest for a photo series when she accidentally broke free from her rope and TOOK OFF.

On Wednesday, the 300-pound pony was decked out in her unicorn finest for a photo series when she accidentally broke free from her rope and TOOK OFF.

ALL PONY HELL BROKE LOOSE.

Sandra Boos Photography


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What is the difference between a Mechanical Engineer and a Civil Engineer?

A Mechanical Engineer makes weapons, a Civil Engineer makes targets.

This Deer Fell Through The Ice In Saskatchewan And Some Friendly Firefighters Helped Her Out

“Once she was warmed up they took the blankets off, and she just jumped up and off she went.”

A young deer got herself in major trouble when she ventured out onto the ice in Swift Current, Saskatchewan, and fell through. Luckily some firefighters came to her rescue.

A young deer got herself in major trouble when she ventured out onto the ice in Swift Current, Saskatchewan, and fell through. Luckily some firefighters came to her rescue.

Deputy Fire Chief Darren McClellan said the local RCMP called the fire department after learning about the deer.

Swift Current Fire Department / Facebook

Four firefighters went to the scene and pulled the deer out of the water, then back to shore. “One guy went in and kinda boosted the deer up to pull her out," McClelland told BuzzFeed Canada.

Four firefighters went to the scene and pulled the deer out of the water, then back to shore. “One guy went in and kinda boosted the deer up to pull her out," McClelland told BuzzFeed Canada.

Swift Current Fire Department / Facebook

The deer was likely suffering from hypothermia, and probably wouldn't have survived if not for the firefighters. They piled blankets on the deer and watched over her for about 40 minutes while she recovered.

The deer was likely suffering from hypothermia, and probably wouldn't have survived if not for the firefighters. They piled blankets on the deer and watched over her for about 40 minutes while she recovered.

Swift Current Fire Department / Facebook

“Once she was warmed up they took the blankets off, and she just jumped up and off she went.”

“Once she was warmed up they took the blankets off, and she just jumped up and off she went.”

McClelland said this was the first animal rescue the department has done in a long time, but he's glad they were able to help.

The firefighters uploaded photos and a short video of the rescue on their Facebook page to highlight the risk of going on the ice, but McClelland says the reaction has been overwhelming.

"It just spread like wildfire," he said.

Swift Current Fire Department / Facebook


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7 Animals That Will Restore Your Faith In Long-Term Relationships

If swans & beavers can make a relationship work…then maybe we can too?

BuzzFeed Video / Via youtu.be


Puppies Recreate Every Best Picture Nominated Movie

Why spend 15 bucks on a movie when you can watch puppies for free!

So you've decided to watch all the Best Picture nominees before Sunday.

So you've decided to watch all the Best Picture nominees before Sunday.

Miramax Films

But halfway through Spotlight you start to lose grip.

But halfway through Spotlight you start to lose grip.

Columbia Pictures

This somehow became more of a chore than a hobby.

This somehow became more of a chore than a hobby.

Warner Bros.

And eventually give up altogether..

And eventually give up altogether..

Universal Pictures


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A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.

A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.

"Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks. Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."

Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"

Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?

Ducks in Heaven

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, And although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!' The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months Without stepping on any ducks. But one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on. Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word. The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being Chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."

This Canadian Dog Is Better Dressed Than Anyone In Canada, TBH

All hail Iggy Joey.

Meet Iggy Joey.

Instagram: @iggyjoey

Dog. Canadian. Fashion and lifestyle guru.

Instagram: @iggyjoey

An Italian Greyhound, Iggy Joey first joined Instagram as just a normal dog, but has now gained 25,000 followers after her owner began posting photos of her in homemade sweaters.

"I knew Italian Greyhounds got really cold easily . . . She would shake and cry outside when it started getting under 20 degrees Celsius," Lyndal Moody, Iggy Joey's owner and a full-time social media director, told BuzzFeed Canada. "I saw a cool thing on the internet where you could cut the sleeves off an old sweater and put two holes for legs to make a jacket. So I got a four-dollar sweater from Value Village, turned it into three outfits and Iggy Joey became a star!"

Instagram: @iggyjoey

The nearly-two-year-old canine wears the hell out of a string of pearls.

The nearly-two-year-old canine wears the hell out of a string of pearls.

"I was working with a vintage clothing store in Toronto . . . and I would take Joey with me when I was taking photos. She would immediately jump in the store window and 'Sphinx' or 'vogue.' One day we put pearls on her and she stopped traffic! And so pearls became a regular part of her wardrobe."

Lyndal Moody


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26 Reasons Grey Cats Are The Best Damn Cats

They’re so fluffy and majestic.

Hello, this is an adorable little grey kitty.

Hello, this is an adorable little grey kitty.

Hello!

tudor133 / Via reddit.com

They are pretty much the most gorgeous fluffy creatures to exist.

They are pretty much the most gorgeous fluffy creatures to exist.

uline00 / Via reddit.com

How can they BE this fluffy?

How can they BE this fluffy?

AsYourMama / Via imgur.com

Just look at this gentle majestic furry baby.

Just look at this gentle majestic furry baby.

"Yes these will be perfect for the wedding Susan, get my PA to order 200."

Via reddit.com


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