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Thứ Hai, 26 tháng 8, 2019

Why can't a bicycle stand on it's own?

Cause it's two tired.

A little girl asks her granddad

"Would you make a frog noise for me"

Why, asks the granddad confused.

The little girl replies "Dad says when you croak we are all going to Disneyland"

Chủ Nhật, 25 tháng 8, 2019

50000 blondes met in a center for the first ever "Blondes are not stupid" convention

Their leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 50,000 blondes start cheering, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 50,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."

So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"

After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"

The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 50,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"

The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"

Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 50,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

If a person can speak two languages they’re bilingual, if they can only speak one...

They’re from the US

Told my wife I was so stressed that only a blow job would help.

She asked me where I was going to find a cock to suck at this time of night.

Three freshmen meet for the first time in a college dorm....

and introduce themselves, mostly trying to impress one another.

The first one says, "My family has been in America for more than 200 years. My father is C.E.O of the biggest bank in New York and he gave me a BMW to drive around the campus."

The second one says, "That's nice."

The third one says, "My father is one of the biggest donors to this school. He gave so much money that the building where they teach mathematics is named after me."

The second one says, "That's nice."

Then the two rich kids ask the second guy what his father gave him.

"We didn't have a lot of money but he gave me some very good advice", the second kid says. "He always told me to say 'That's nice' instead of 'Go fuck yourself'."

If Queen Elizabeth accidentaly farted during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.

Noble gases should have no reaction.