Joins the army. His last name has the odd distinction of having two z's at the start of it and since everything in the military is done alphabetically hes always the last guy in line.
One day their sergeant gets the entire company together for training:
"Alright! We're gonna have you all use dummy weapons and go out onto this course behind me, the objective is to be the last soldier standing!"
The company is then instructed to get into a line (alphabetically by last name) and proceed to three separate trucks to get their weapons. Naturally our hero is the last one to get gear and when he gets up there the sergeant shakes his head and says:
"Sorry son, we dont have enough rifles for all of you, so we've notified the rest of the company that when you walk up and yell 'bang bang bang!', they all know to drop like they've been hit."
Our hero shrugs and moves on. Same thing happens with grenades and knives; and he receives instructions similar to the first, 'boom boom boom' and 'knife knife knife' respectively. Now each time hes told to imitate shooting a rifle, throwing a grenade, and slashing knife along with the sounds.
He enters the field and takes out the first guy with his 'rifle', yelling 'bang bang bang!'. Sure enough the trooper falls. Next is the grenade, that works too. So does the knife, soon hes on his way to being the last one standing.
Eventually he finds a hill with a single soldier standing on it. He pretends to shoot him with the tried and true 'bang bang bang', but nothing happens. He tries the grenade, nothing. So he runs up and yells 'knife knife knife' and slashes at the guy.
The trooper turns, knocks our hero down and stomps over him before turning back and saying with a grin:
"Tank tank tank."
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