A man dies and goes to Hell.

Satan greets him.

Hey. How's it going?

Not good. I just found out I'm in hell.

I know we have a bad reputation but it's not that bad. It's actually quite fun down here. Did you ever drink when you were alive?

Of course.

Well, Mondays, you can drink as much as you want. Vodka, gin, tequila, rum...whatever! Make your own if you want. You don't have to drive home. You don't have to worry about your liver or alcohol poisoning. You're already dead. Were you a smoker?

Yes, I was.

Tuesdays, smoke it up. We have all the cigarettes and cigars. Even the best Cubans. You don't need to worry about lung cancer. You're already dead. Did you get high when you were alive?

Sometimes.

Wednesdays, get as high as you want. Weed, coke, PCP, crack, LSD.. whatever! Make your own. Not like you'll overdose. You're already dead.

This actually does sound quite fun.

I know, right? It's not so bad. Did you ever stick anything up your ass when you were alive?

No...

You're not going to like Thursdays.