Johnnie didn't know what else to do to have sex with his wife...

... every time he tried, she would make him feel like a perv and would lecture him about going to church to get rid of those dirty thoughts.

They lived in a small town and after work, Johnnie was a regular at a bar. Each night, everybody would make a toast and people would vote for the best toast. One night, Johnnie made a special toast:

"I toast to spending the rest of my nights between my wife's legs!"

So he won the best toast of the night for the first time. He arrived home buzzed and overly excited thinking this was the night they would finally have sex.

"Mary, I won the best toast of the night!"

"Really, what did you toast for?"

But Johnnie was suddenly scared of making things worse: "Well... I toasted to spending all my days in church!"

So the next day, Johnnie and Mary are walking in town and one of Johnnie's friends approaches the couple with a naughty smile.

"Mary... did you know Johnnie won the best toast last night?"

Johnnie freezes and Mary replies: "Yes, but that's odd... every time I tell him to do it he refuses. If we ever do it, he falls asleep halfway through. And last weekend I had to grab him by his ears, and still, he didn't come!"